death is only a minor detail

14 Dec

Today, i became a real woman.
To review ( especially for the goyim….), i officially became a woman chanting a dueterotomy torah portion as an awkward 13 year old behind the Havarah Shalom faux-wood biema. That day, i saw life from the top of roller coaster about to delve in the fast paced,exciting possiblities that layed ahead.
Cathliocs get 2 confirmations, so why shouldn’t I? Like a bat mitzvah second coming,today i confronted life once again, but this time, i was sorounded by a hundred strangers and crying todlers instead of old jewish men in suits and birkenstocks. But both times people were praying .

Desipte the cheesy melodramtic tone, this is a true story. It didn’t just happen in my bubble; i didn’t dream it and someone convinced me it was life; i have the urine stains on my pants to prove it. ( okay, not really, but seriuosly it happened.)

By now you’re either curious…or opened up facebook instead…as to what “it” was. What the fuck happened? Well, to start, It was suprisingly comical, and not just here in retrospect. As the flight attendents got everyones attention they retaught us how to sit when a plane crash’s and how to jump off the bouncy exit slide. I wanted to ask a) if we crash, does the way we sit actually matter? and b) volunteer to be a bouncy slide manager because of my extensive experiance with inflatable toys. But i did neither, because i was scared and confused. The semi undecipherable god-like voice of the loudspeaker enlightened us all soon:” Fire…plane…can’t land…turn…try lax…sorry…soo sorry…listen to the flight attendents.”

Someone would assume at this point there would be mass chaos. I mean, i would. But nope. The opposite.Silence. I was sitting next to a 20 something asian lady who taught japaneese children english over in japan and an advertising hot shot about a year out of grad school who spent the 10 hours we spent together either sleeping or dopey and dazed. The three of us hadn’t exchanged a single word until this point, but something happened in those few minutes when we thought we could, possibly die, if not get injurged. We all started making these disturbily hallirous jokes about our own demise, the plane crashing, and “at least we can go down with a laugh” attiude.It was amazing.

Eventually we did land back in la, we did have to evacuate the plane because it was unflyable, and a firetruck did come rushing up as soon as we landed and went RIGHT UNDERNEATH where my window was. Yup, i was sitting on top of the fire….sweeeeet.

So, moarl of the story- about 10+ hours spent in airports and flying and landing and flying and landing again- is that laughter is miraculous, able to lighten a lethal situation. even with strangers. laughter is so fucking awesome. yeah….



One Response to “death is only a minor detail”

  1. Big Haired Ghandi December 14, 2006 at 10:39 PM #

    Oh. Em. Gee. Call me immidiately, that is the scariest thing i have ever heard. EVER.

    did u ride the bouncy slide?


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