New Leaves, wrapped in euphemisms

28 Jul

10 Things I do habbitually this summer that I didn’t last summer:

1)relax
2)smoke cigarettes
3) get along with my family
4) go…skiing
5) paint
6) not rely on the oregonian for insightful articles
7)sleep in past NOON
8)follow the sad life of lindsay lohan ( didn’t say i was proud)
9)travel further than seattle
10) win board/card games

In conclusion, I am on my way to cancer and inevitable brain damage I’m sure, but I am having a great time doing it and am stress-free as could be.

Other liberating events include telling my mom andbest friend im bisexual, reading lots of good memoirs and autobiographies, and going on weeks of abandonment from shaving,makeup, or haircare. And liking the way I look the best with minimal ornamentation. I think I’ve been reading too many feminist magazines…

Point being, I’m satisfied with life, which is great because unfortunatly I can name plenty of times when that wasn’t true. Actually, most of my life. You know that type of disenchantment with who your blood irriversably ties you to and instead of expressing that anger outward, it gnaws away at you inwardly? Yeah, that. That kept me bummed out for a long, long time.But alas, acts of vengence are overrated. It’s weird, I never fit in with my family, oreven extended family. Different way of seeing the world, hinking, interests, showing affection, etc. So, for companionship at home, I chose the more scilent/less argumentative route and just stayed inside my own heads toying with my own thoughts most of the time. My dad moved to Berkely, my brother moved out to, and I went to college right before my mother and I would have killed eachother. Now I am back ( for the summer), my brother is back, and my dad moved back. And we’re all in one house. And so far, we’re all alive and on alright terms and spending voluntary time in eahothers presence. It’s strange but … nice.

I don’t think anyone reads this. So I’ll just go on with my self absorbed blabbing…

I know that I should gain weight.And I’m trying. But I really have little to no appitite. AND the time when my appitite is the greatest is reall late at night , like midnight, which sucks becaue it never feels good to continually eat so late at night in the morning time. I need to figure out how to solve this.

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