Fire(crotch) Hazard- for natalie Greenbizzle

17 Nov

Woooo this morning was the Troy Camp Canival! I’ve never been to a real carnival…or a circus…or universal studios….so it was really fun. I’m pretty sure it was a legit faux-nival, minus the bearded lady and 4 ft tall con artists. Someday ill go to a real one, someday…This past summer I met some carnie folk in a hostel in Tel Aviv. They were acrobats and showed me some of their moves– it was NUTS. Like human pretzel/gumby/alice-in-wonderland-anything-is-possible style. I roomed with the girl. I think of my adventere/curosity urge like an open wound that the ‘scab of society’ heals over. Sometimes the scab breaks and ill have adventers, and you can still see it’s there under the scab, but for the most part it’s contained by responsibility, lack of resources, lack of time, maybe even lack of ballsyness. Anyway, this girl was like one gaping, open wound and after she graduated from Evergreen ( hah…figures) she just flew to India and slept on the beach and was homeless there for a few months, joined up with a carnival, traveled around, and you can fill in the rest. Just a stright up nomad. I want that, that absolute boundless freedom to just be a raw human and not have to deal with studying for this and small talking about that and wearing a white colared shirt to work. But on the other hand, I enjoy having a roof, i enjoy having structed goals and working to reach them, I enjoy having a laptop. I guess there is a time and place for everything, and for now im in the land of beuracracy…im just hoping its not a vortex that sucks me in and the further i get into it the harder it will be to get out. Hmm. Life is good, whatever happens happens. Who knows.

And another thing. I just took the Big 5 personality test and wrote a paper on it for psyc. These tests aren’t always the most reliable ( self-reporting bias since i give the anwsers about myelf, it could be a reflection of my mood that day, etc) but I was kinda surprised about my results:
The Five Main Deminsions of Personality:
I am somewhat CONSCIENTIOUS, off the charts on OPENNESS TO EXPERIANCE, more NEUROTIC than most , more INTROVERTED than most people ( what? really…) , and about average on AGREEABLENESS ( mmm…nope, Im a debater and kind of blunt).

This got me thinking: is my self-concept way off? otherwise, wouldn’t i agree with most of this test? Do i know me? I thought i knew me…does this test know me better than i know me?

Confusion, confusion.

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