2 Feb

Last night, I had a dream. I was Pregnant. The dream took me from about month 3 up till I was ready to drop .It was horrific, suffocating, painful and really the episode was much more like a nightmare than a dream. I spent most of my time in pain and in this huge, steril auditorium waiting room with hundreds of other women, their friends, and their families. My support system was there the entire time too: my mom, my cousin who was my age when she gave birth to Emoney ( my littlest cuz), and some faces which were always present but I didn’t recognize. I remember abortion crossing my mind, but unlike reality, it moarlly wasn’t option for me. Verbatum, my Dream Mom said: ” so you let the baby grow inside of you, it’s only 9 months, and then you can do whatever you want with it.” I go, ” well what AM i going to do with it?”…and we all look at eachother….and then i got called into the Labor Room. It was almost time.

I woke up disoriented and in excrutiating pain, the kind that takes your breath away like jumping into frigid water. It felt like there were 10,000 splinters lining my stomach and hundreds of rusty knives lodged into the spaces between my hips and my torso. My first thought was that I had had a miscarriage, which i truely believed until I figured out my dream had been a dream about 10 minutes later when talking to my roomate.

The pain has waxed and wanned throughout the day, but the errie aftertaste of that dream has stayed. What a fucking strange way to start out a friday.


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