springtime cliche

20 Mar

To whom this preemptive warning may concern (i.e. Hannah), one may not want to read this post if easily nauseated by frolicking, unicorns, rainbows and butterfly kisses. This springtime concussion has temporarily impaired by realistic cynicism.

It’s spring! yada yada yada Rebirth! yada yada flowers blooming! yada yada yada Clean the closet, the fresh light illuminates the impossible internal maze of the winter and the correct corridors leading to the bright exit become obvious, yada yada CHLICHE, Cliche, cliché.

I woke up borderline euphoric. Pangs of warmth and happiness are pulsating through my body. This is strange, oh so strange, a strange and lovely surprise I could attribute to many things, which could all be summed up in one simple cliché: Springtime. In everything it actually is (freshness, openness, light, colors, flowers) and everything it has come to symbolize (clarity, personal hatching, balance achieved through restarting the circle of life, cleanliness, romance, buds of potential blossoming into a form that was once an idea), I feel the effects of spring drench my body like a much needed shower after hiking through the woods. I awoke at the end of that trail, feeling safe with my toes over the edge of a watercolor viewpoint. The mosaic routes and events have blended together to form a picture of a complete experience. I peer down: a birds eye view of the past, the pretzel twists and turns of the trail I spent the past year escalating. I gaze up: an open sky of possibility wisped with cirrus clouds. And I look straight out: a panorama skyline, inviting, wondrous, protective with infinite room for success, mistakes and growth. My eyes lock with the twinkling skyline lights; their winks assure me what’s below it is our secret of a foggy winter past and what’s above is worth climbing for up the thin, rope-like clouds because the building foundations are sturdy. I am my own safety net, and that feeling is the ultimate conceptual womb pregnant with euphoria.

Social Psychology is my favorite class of the semester, and among many other useful theories, it has taught me the Fundamental Attribution Error. People tend to overly attribute behaviors and attitudes as reflections of the person instead of giving the context and situation its correct weight. Maybe I’m overlooking how cathartic Spring Break has been by staking claim to achieving pure,raw, personal happiness. I have chosen what to do with my time instead of it dictating my life. I’m spending quality time with a few quality people instead of bits of time with boatloads of people. Real human connection-how refreshing. I have literally cleaned my room and the apartment every day. I have had time to pleasure read, which unfortunately has become a rarity that has been reserved for breaks since joining the world of academia. I feel relaxed, organized, put together, and in control instead of a victim of the circumstance. I’m able to be me at the core without sedimentary layers of anxiety compacted on top of me: obligations, responsibilities, meetings, classes, clubs, events, homework reading and writing and labs…at the end of the day, the aspect of life I value the most (inter-personal relationships) takes the largest concession. I’ve been working on reprioritizing and making my priorities congruent with my actual lifestyle. Which leads me full circle back to the silly little blurb which prompted the actual emotional regurgitation of this post: my horoscope for today. I clicked on it in my email for fun, and my skeptical stance on horoscopes is still in tact, but there is something eerie about receiving THIS horoscope on THIS day after waking up and feeling like THIS:
Gemini Daily Horoscope, Mar 20, 2008
Although you may have been overly involved with your career or with activities in your community, the primary emphasis in your life is changing. Your drive for professional success may be replaced with increasing concern for your own personal dreams. Use the weeks ahead to build friendships based on mutual benefit rather than a win-or-lose mentality.

I’ll conclude with some highlights of the break, some of which I’ll delve into in later posts: being a The Price Is Right audience member, Venice beach drum circles, drinking and dinning on our very own homemade Indian/ euro-itallianish meals in superb company, meeting Josh’s family, random costume challenges, exploring the UV and goodwill, continuing my musical journey and reading this book. Savor this overly optimistic post for the outlier that it is. Maybe that will change, is changing, do I want it to change? If I can keep my sarcasm and cynicism still then yeah, I guess I do…we’ll see what happens from here…

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