कार्रोत face

21 Apr

April is the most ambivalent month of the year. Stuck in the middle between winter and summer, her stability falls victim to the circumstance as she oscillates between the beckoning of a Saint and a Siren. So April showers, so what? Have some empathy: how would you feel if fickleness was your soul/sole predictable trait? Like a stranger to yourself,that’s how. Not a reflection to trust in the world. April is trapped in a tug-o-war; maybe I don’t know why the caged bird sings, but I do know when, and it’s in April.

Flowery language aside, April, to me, is a discussion of freedom. I can’t think of a month with more, or more contradicting, hallmark and historical dates: Earth Day, Girl Scout Cookie Season, Passover, Easter stuff, April Fools, Hitler’s Birthday the anniversary of Columbine, 4-20 and the list goes on. All together, April makes me think about freedom. It’s all about the power struggle of the human condition- the complete freedom to Be (think/feel/behave) however we please, but only within the parameters of a pig pin.And that’s life.
I am free to do whatever I want, go streaking through the oval office, whatever. In my mind, freedom is neither defined by a lack of consequences, nor a game of probabilities: it’s all about the existence of a possibility.
My inner Id is a little depressed about this topic. I’m not bothered that there is only a minuscule chance that I will be able to exercise the Oval Office streaking freedom, what gets to me is that the most radical off-the-cuff idea I came up with was to remove my man-made garments and run. But perhaps that is actually a crucial element in the desire to be free: strip oneself of the petty layers we’ve created and conceptualize as the part of the human condition and just live how our bodies are born to, element to skin contact, to eat and be eaten and not utter a single prayer throughout. Freedom is deviant; if not, it wouldn’t be considered freedom, it would be a social norm.
And i hate to be a Downer Debbie, but i usually feel somewhat caged or shortchanged when it comes to freedom. The discrepancy between imagination and reality almost makes me wish the two were mutually exclusive entities and a person inherited one or the other. Dangling a mouse in plain view of a caged snake all day is just cruel.

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