Spork Update: Three Prongs of Life

26 Jul

Prong One: The Dentist-
I look forward to dentist appointments. I brush, I occasionally floss, and thus, I get great performance reviews on my oral hygiene. And who doesn’t like a nice pat from a latex glove and a smile from behind a paper-elastic mouth shield? But like all great things, there are speckled defeats on the road to victory. And yesterday, yesterday was an oral catastrophe.

My filling had fallen out. I went to a dentist’s office I’d never been to before. They isolated my tooth via dental damn, Popsicle sticks and a metal clamp for over and our. Told me they wanted to start a root canal, and then proceeded to ask me what i wanted them to do…while my mouth was jarred open and covered…so i couldn’t possibly ask questions or respond. They decided to start a root canal. paralyzed the right side of my mouth with umpteen shots of Novocaine. And after the Dougie Howser dentist had dug down to the root of my tooth, he changed his mind. Stopped the root canal procedure. Refilled my tooth with a cap. Those extra 4 shots of Novocaine were useless. All the while, the hygienist tripped on the main chord turning off the equipment, snapped at me for a ringing phone which made her jump when she had the wrench in my mouth and told me this was too dangerous for distractions, she chatted with the hygienist next to her about the mistakes they had made on patients, she forced me to bite down on something after i refused because i could taste blood from the contraption ripping at my cheek, the dentist talked to me about all the bleeding in my mouth mid procedure (comforting, right?), and the list goes on. And my mouth still hurts.

Prong Two: The Deception-
I’d read Running With Scissors before, and last night I saw the movie. In a coin purse, it’s based off the book which is the memoir of a boy who became a man and thought his life was worth publishing and reading about. After his memoir came out, the real life characters in his book were livid and sued, saying his perception was far from the truth, a fabrication loosely based on reality, and unflattering. This is concerning. What is the truth is not perception of an individual? Even things that are deemed scientific fact and limited to isolating something measurable to human perception and measurement. How much poetic licence does one have when writing a memoir? Is there a No Symbolism Allowed rule to avoid any fiction sensationalism?

Prong Three: The Democrats-
Obama, the Presumed nominee for the democratic presidential ticked, is shopping for a nice VP running mate. This is a headache. John McCain naturally is up to bigger and better things. Like knocking Obama’s stance on slowly but surely pulling out of Iraq. Why? Because, he argues, it is necessary that America keep fighting in Iraq until we have won or else we will need to go back later. I’m all for finishing projects one starts, like scarves and spring cleaning, but how can we win a war with no logical purpose or mission? Yes, we’ve set up a semi-permanent military base over there so we can keep a vigilant eye on China and India. Yes, we are leaving tank tracks on top of soil blanketing heaps of potential oil. But it doesn’t take a genius to see that our oil prices aren’t going down. In fact, they’re rising-gasp. Maybe if we redirected the money we were spending on the war and instead subsidized oil prices, we could re inflate our own miserable economy the good ol republican way, through people spending their dollars buying and selling to each other and having the wealth trickle down. Wasn’t that the point of the tax returns, anyway? Maybe they should have saved the abundance for a rainy day, or, i don’t know, paying back the national debt to both lower the sum and the amount of interest we pay on it ( third highest national expense). But I digress. John McCain says that we must stay in Iraq until we * bring Osama bin Laden to justice through a process similar to the Nuremberg Trials.* I agree, but here’s a tip: LOOK IN THE FUCKING COUNTRY HE’S FROM. Which is not Iraq. Dumb ass. How have Americans still not caught onto this mass deception?

I’m going to go hit the sauna. But oh, am I ever Proud to be paying my tax dollars to the Land of the Free.

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