Archive | July, 2009

Astrological Big Brother is Watching

30 Jul

Of this, I am sure. I reconnected with a handful of friends that I lost touch with last year today. I got up and by 7:30 am I had initiated a reconnection. Come  6:30 pm –post work, post run, post shower– I check my email and see that the Big Bang Brother bestowed his daily geometrical, planetary adage upon me:




overview Perfect Harmony
      Venus Trine Mars
      Jul 31, 2009 to Aug 1, 2009

Make a list of everyone you really want to mend fences with, and devote the day to doing just that. Forget about what you said and why you said it, and vice versa. Think about what you miss, why you miss it and how just one short conversation can fix it all.

My Daily Tarot & Astrology Reading

29 Jul

The Knave of Chalices card suggests that my power today lies in trust. I am enthusiastic, open, and trusting about my new found feelings, capacity, passion, or hearts desire. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I am happy when sharing or expressing pleases and connects me to the support, beauty, and love in others. I am empowered by attention and my gift is desire or epiphany.

Born Again Christians

29 Jul

How perception is conception

to shift how one perceives deliberately conveives

the world to be deception: a hospitable

environment made to form-fit man

and individual men

and me. 

–by me to me urging me to ponder if sorting perception is a tool or vice


watching a documentary  and a reverend gives Bushy some wise words.

treat everyone you talk to everyday like they’re dying at midnight; you will not believe how much this will change your life. The worst thing we can do for ourselves is look back and wish it was different. Don’t regret; start anew, born again.


Okay, okay, I paraphrase. My acupuncturist told me the above in other words in a 15 minute discussion about forgiveness. She said forgiveness is misconceived. She said it is not ones place to forgive another. She said growth spouts from the realization that all we can do is forgive ourselves, where the strife of ego and pride and pain and hurt place us in a position to feel as though we are forgiving another. She said it is never about the other person. It is always about forgiving ourselves.


Born again vishnu.

Its aTwo Pentacles Tuesday

28 Jul

The Two of Pentacles card suggests that my power today lies in balance. I strive for equality and choose not to indulge instant gratification at the expense of my purpose. I am responsible for my own decisions and take on only what I can handle based upon that which I value. I am empowered by choice and my asset is negotiation.

I am strong

27 Jul

and beautiful and a gem.

I will not sink. I am independent. I am free. I need me and only me and it feels incredible.

Do the cosmic elements know me better than I know myself? Geeeez and Crackers….

27 Jul

Free Sample Ry Redd’s Edgar Cayce Past Life Reading for Emily

Chapter 1: The Sun
Your Sun is in Gemini (Tropical zodiac).

Coming as you do under the double sign of Gemini, there are likely to be two natures within you as far as your inner, subconscious urges are concerned.

Also, Emily , as in other Gemini children this tendency toward double-mindedness at times may find expression in inclinations to change your mind and overspeculate about things. With application of your will, these inclinations can be curbed.

Now, you were probably part of European culture during the Middle Ages, when there was considerable action and adventure, for example in the continual feuding and strife among the many fiefdoms, families, tribes, castles and kingdoms comprising Europe before its present consolidation into several nation-states.

Section 2: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation
Sun in Gemini:

Your mystical, intuitive and spiritual sensitivity arises from your past lives, perhaps in early Roman times, or in the Egyptian/late Atlantean period. Then you may have been a seer with expertise in the religious mysteries of the day and in healing through the laying of hands. Your likely interest in group meditation, symbology, holistic health, and astrological timing arises from such past life experiences.

From your afterlife experience in the Neptune dimension, your imaginative urges create strong mystical impressions within you. At times, Emily , when you meditate or simply rest, the actions expressed in your visions and daydreams may elicit such intense emotions that you may feel as if you had actually experienced them.

Since Neptune is a higher octave of Venus, ruler of the arts, your Neptunian attunement and sensitivity give you abilities related to the arts in virtually any direction, whether as an actor, a dancer, an artist, musician or art critic.

Although you would do well in any creative endeavor, you are also gifted with healing power, especially in applying, for example, music and color to emotional disturbances. Hence, combining analytical or depth psychology with your creative and mystical sensitivities may suggest fields that will bring you deep understanding, if judged from the spiritual side.

You may also achieve a great deal through service for others, caring for others, helping those less fortunate. To be a channel of blessings to others is the purpose of every soul coming into the material world. For you particularly, serving others may have special rewards. If it is in keeping with your ideals, you would gain much in service involving an organized charitable institution or missionary branch of a church denomination. Public leadership involving large organizations through speaking to groups and writing is also indicated.

In addition, Emily , things that come over water or upon water are likely to be significant in your experience. Travel and law, especially in connection with these, should also be a portion of your activities.

Can’t sleep so i imagine

27 Jul



Why doesn’t he want to love me anymore?
I am covered in cold sweat on a night too hot

 a heart jagged and curved in the shape
of a question mark
and remarkabley full of love and hate and love and loniliness and love and knowing ill wake tomorrow and i am fucking awesome and life goes on but sad that i have to follow suit and drain myself of the life juice that makes me feel grounded and connected.

Facts of life, free write

26 Jul

Fact: I never knew how beautiful I am until I saw my reflection light your eyes.
Fact: and now that you turned your back squeezing your eyes leaving mine open, hurt, vulnerable, I will not let the rejection of your love and lust for me demolish the love and appreciation for the beauty I breathe I speak I write I paint I laugh I cry I listen I learn I learn I learn I am: living running glowing freely breathing one step two step liberating heart beating falling out of chest like thump- nobody- thump thump- can love me-thump- nobody- thump thump– without leaving me. But then I reach the summit and down I soar, shooting star steering with two compass rose petal feet protecting my direction as my own, unbeknown to me, the first feeling in too long of a liberating alone. If loving me at my worst is easier than loving me at my strongest because one day, you or otherwise, i know the best in me will inspire the best in my be’sheret growing alone and growing together, the best in me brings out the best in him too.

Fact: I was taught to love, love fully, and left– like all the men who have told me they loved, left once again, though not through joint and not kin, a more hurtful left because I was so honestly me at my craziest core and he said it was beautiful, he said I am art, he said I am living breathing art, and then left. Now deliberately it is declared he shall try to love me no more, and here I am trying to trace my steps and see just where unlovable lies in my own being to make a once hopeless romantic tick tock time bomb explode my ability to trust anyone ever again because I always get fucked and still I see something that I am so proud of in me: he may have introduced me to my capacity to love, my spirituality, my soulstres beauty, the music I see in the leaves that weaves and bob in the baseline of the anthem he heeds, Shine On, and though you retract ‘i love you’, take away ‘baby’ all away from me in a surprise and an episode that remains somewhat a mystery, I will Shine On. Because I am a strong young woman, I am a rose in the concrete I am a seed and if our love was a growing tree, that you chose to chop down so willingly, you cannot will not have not don’t think for one second you harm the seed in me, because I will resurrect stronger more brilliant more knowing -maybe less trusting- but stronger nonetheless and my smile will ignite fireworks under a Chilean harvest moon and my laugh will harmonize with bells ringing in skies of Istanbul and my love will heal and my love will grow back and my life is mine and I am living; and my life is learning and I am learning; and my knowledge of my own abilities is limited by my timidity to take a step into the territory of pushing my limits my lovely lovely limits–could it be that there lies so much uncharted territory because of the safety comfort tranquility of loving you led me to risk not taking the risks life offered me, the biggest risk of all. And while i wonder i wait for the memories to infiltrate the night you slept in this bed of mine, my bed, by my side that first night when we looked at photographs and hiked through trench and got to know each other bit by bit. Of the airport roof when we declared our love for the first time out loud. Of the ring you gave me that reads i love you. Of JJ bear. Of jingle jangle jamz. Of all the time you fed me and quenched my thirst with the song of your voice to lullaby my restless sleepless self into slumber hearts beating and sound sound slumber. The one thing that I never could do, leave behind you, because you were my north star and wherever you were your voice your tone your touch your moan your eyes your smiling eyes and your love made my heart at home. But since you broke it off, and you say i am no longer the subject you want to swoon and muse and love and be loved I have no choice but to splash cold water on my face and remember what my friends are saying:

“Emily, he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend; He doesn’t even want to be with you. If he wanted you to be his girlfriend, he he wanted you at all, he’d make it work. He doesn’t want you anymore.” the hardest fucking perspective I’ve ever swallowed and accepted and said in my head ‘Owww motherfuckinggoddamit oww, but, breathe, be, and be well, and be alive more fully than ever before because now I will see the stardust in my trail as i shine on.’

I don’t know how to cope gracefully so i imagine the goddesses in stories i admire and am to emulate their sacred feminine and maybe one day graceful ill be.

For Becca

11 Jul

The Princess of Swords


Like the other Sword people, the Princess of Swords is intellectually inclined, perceptive and intuitive. She is, again, a keen observer, who brings clarity and insight to situations in which she is involved. She is a forceful and self-determining young woman who ill-tolerates injustice, weakness and manipulation. She is probably not as secretive nor as hidden as some of the other Sword people – in fact, she tends to express her insight quite forcibly at times.

She has the same qualities as a keen observer of life, and people, that we see in the other Sword Courts. She’s also a skilled arbitrator, having extensive negotiating skills and a ruthless cutting edge.

This card is another of those that has quite a bad reputation with some Tarot commentators – maybe because of her tendency to tell things as she sees them regardless of the consequences. Yet, unless she is badly dignified, the woman represented by this card will usually be honest, and frank.

She cuts away the blubber that often surrounds difficult emotional matters, and gets to the heart of things quickly and effectively. Generally she is objective and rational in her approach to life.

When this card comes up to represent a change of mood, however, we see the darker sides of the Princess emerging. Then we are looking at a woman who is angry, emotionally distressed and probably feeling vicious. She may then be spiteful and unkind, even heartless. Somebody in this kind of mood is often cruel, regularly seeking revenge, and looking for trouble.


When this Princess rules the day expect to come into contact with demanding or unfair situations. Use the clarity and insight offered by the card to cut away unnecessary rubbish, get behind the smoke-screens and see right to the heart of any situation that crosses your path.

It is important to refuse to tolerate injustice or ill-treatment, but when you deal with situations such as this, be sure that your own responses and behaviour are moral and above board, otherwise you’ll find the Princess’s sword turning on you.

Swords in general tend to suffer quite a bit of bad press, but this is based on a misunderstanding of the inner Arcana ruling here – Swords are about living life to the full, and appreciating its gifts… long as you’re doing your honest best, given the situation you are in at the time, you will not provoke the wrath of Swords in your life. It is when you fail to live up to your standards, fail to treat others with the love and respect they deserve, that you come into contact with so-called ‘bad’ Swords.

So it’s important to go for the high ground on a day ruled particularly by one of the Courts. It will be a day in which things are re-assessed, mulled over, straightened out. It may also be a day upon which unexpected and previously hidden things come to light. In this case, objectivity is the safest course of action, coupled with well-thought out action.

If you do not actually come into contact with a situation which demands you deal with it, be sure and spend a little time thinking about where you place importance on morality and good standards……consider the things you see as ‘right’ and ‘wrong’…then check you’re living up to those standards.


8 Jul

Episode One [1.01]

[Signature dishes]
Gordon: Describe the dish.
Andrew: This is Andrew’s Absolute Penne.
Gordon: Andrew’s Absolute Penne? (takes a taste of the dish and spits it out) That’s absolute dog (bleep). You taste it.
Andrew: (tastes the dish) Could use some salt.
Gordon: You think you’re smart don’t you?
Andrew: I have my moments.
Gordon: And how long have you been working as a professional chef?
Andrew: Ten years.
Gordon: What a waste of ten years. Get back in (bleep) line.

Gordon: (After tasting Ralph’s dish) And what position are you?
Ralph: I’m the number one.
Gordon: You’re the number one? With that (bleep)?

Gordon: First name?
Dewberry: Dewberry.
Gordon: Blueberry?


Gordon: Hey, hey, come here, you. Three Wellingtons, you brought me four. One medium, one medium-well, one well done. Where’s the medium one?
Colleen: The medium one’s here, Chef.
Gordon: Where’s the medium-well?
Colleen: The medium-well’s here, Chef.
Gordon: Where’s the well done one, then?
Colleen: It’s right here, Chef.
Gordon: So what the (bleep) is this one?
Colleen: I don’t know.
Gordon: You don’t know. Is this a joke? A little “Ha-ha,” “Tee-hee,” and “God Bless Nebraska?”


Narrator: With Rosann’s dish receiving a good review from Chef Ramsay, things might be looking up.
Gordon: (reveals Petrozza’s dish, which is a whole pumpkin) Oh, (bleep) me…
Narrator: …Or are they?
Gordon: What in the (bleep)? Happy Halloween?
Petrozza: (interview) People ask me what my specailty is. But, you know, I don’t have a specialty; I can cook anything.
Gordon: What is that?
Petrozza: There’s a Cornish hen inside, Chef.
Gordon: A Cornish hen? What’d you do to it to get it in there?
Petrozza: It got in there– I got it in– I got it in there.
Gordon: Oh, (bleep) me. (removes the pumpkin) These are potatoes?
Petrozza: Yes, sir.
Gordon: In how much grease and fat and oil did you fry ’em?
Petrozza: There’s some butter in there.
Gordon: (holding up the potatoes, letting a ton of grease run off his arm) Some butter in that?
Petrozza: That’s a lot of butter.
Gordon: Well, just stop there. That goes in there. (scrapes the potatoes into the bin) And let’s see what we got for trick-or-treat, shall we?
Petrozza: Okay.
Gordon: (removes the top of the pumpkin,) Oh, my god… How do you get in there and eat it? I mean, am I missing a trick?
Petrozza: It’s plated tableside.
Gordon: Oh.
Petrozza: It’s- it’s presented like that.
Gordon: Alright, off you go. (Petrozza splits the pumpkin open, revealing a greasy blob of food.) Oh, my god. Okay, stop right there. I don’t think I’ll get through that, do you?
Petrozza: Okay, no.
Gordon: So, what’s the, uh… dish called?
Petrozza: “Hen in a Pumpkin.”
Gordon: Right now, looking at that mess, I’d like to stick your (bleep) head in there, you know that. (tastes the dish) It’s dry.
Petrozza: Yeah, well…
Gordon: And the pumpkin’s not even seasoned inside, it’s bland! You’d have a better chance of sticking a candle in there for Halloween to make me happy than you would sticking a hen in there. (bleep) off.
Petrozza: (interview) Chef Ramsay said he was looking for something memorable. And you know, I believe my dish was memorable.




A Point of No Return.

7 Jul

The river is notable as Roman law prohibited the Rubicon from being crossed by any Roman Army legion. The river was considered to mark the boundary between the Roman province of Cisalpine Gaul to the north and Italy proper to the south; the law thus protected the republic from internal military threat. When Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon with his army in 49 BC, supposedly on January 10 of theRoman calendar, to make his way to Rome, he broke that law and made armed conflict inevitable. According to historian Suetonius, Caesar uttered the famous phrase ālea iacta est (“the die is cast”).300px-LocationRubicon

Suetonius also described how Caesar was apparently still undecided as he approached the river, and the author gave credit for the actual moment of crossing to a supernatural apparition. The phrase “crossing the Rubicon” has survived to refer to any people committing themselves irrevocably to a risky and revolutionary course of action – similar to the current phrase “passing the point of no return“. It also refers, in limited usage, to its plainer meaning of using military power in a non-receptive homeland.

Dreamer’s Land Draft-Childrens storybook attempt #1, parts 1 and 2 of 5

6 Jul

Open Window

Hello, I am

William, Yes Will I am,


Oh, blanket of stars,

Oh, bed of sand!

Sleepy I am,

let’s go.

I know a land.


A far away land.


Over the ocean.


A Dreamer’s land.

Take my hand,

I’ll show you this land

of dandelion clovers and pecan ants

of silver sloths and candied clams

of cockeyed kisses

where echos land.

I know this land,

Give me your hand,

Here comes sandman,

Say Goodnight,

Say Hello,

to Dreamers Land.

Through the Blue

Smell the salt

Squeeze the sea

Waves hug back

so lovingly.

Chase a smile

in a submarine

we’ve set sail

on a moon-bounce leap.

No home for fear

No need to run

In dreamers land

oh, wondrous one.

I trust you

and you trust me

Look in the ocean

that navy sweep

see your reflection

blur into me.

Canoe boat frowns

float upside down

ear grin ear

doubts dissapear

No pouts on port

of Dreamland, dear.

Yes Dreamland, we near.
“The Tyger” by William Blake

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright

In the forest of the night,

What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare sieze the fire?

And what shoulder, and what art,
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? and what dread feet?

What the hammer? and what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? What dread grasp
Dare it’s deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile, his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright,
In the forest of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

My Bertie

6 Jul

I calm my thoughts and clear my mind 
And leave the sunlit realm behind 
I close my eyes that I may see 
Beyond this world in front of me 

Beyond the world, beyond the mask 
Beyond the questions that I ask 
Are helping hands that I may heed 
They come to meet me in my dreams 
…in my dreams …in my dreams

I listen for the hidden voice 
In shadowed room and riddled choice 
Through visions sometimes fraught with fear 
The voice calls out and draws me near 

Beyond the world, beyond the mask 
Beyond the questions that I ask 
Are helping hands that I may heed 
They come to meet me in my dreams 
…in my dreams …in my dreams

I rise and wake but still hold tight 
To golden threads received at night 
I pull them through by light of day 
To hold me to my truer way 

Beyond the world, beyond the mask 
Beyond the questions that I ask 
Are helping hands that I may heed 
They come to meet me in my dreams 
…in my dreams …in my dreams

Poems Flowing…

4 Jul

The Fourth of July

As fire blazes

work in progresses across

a silk screen sky

-still as silence in the spaces between explosions-

Starless bangles hang

too high to hail

with the sober navy suit, saluting

silhouettes of smoke, seasons of spark, 

appear and disappear like

magic and how I like to believe 

inside of my heart of hearts

that it does exist.


Bits of My Truth

1)–I am nothing if not humble, says Hubris.

2)–I accept other’s philosophies as their truths, but if they only knew the grace and majesty of my God…, says ones truth as it strokes and basks in its vanity mirror, close-minded and unaware its reflection is backwards. 

3) Blink: ellipse reality, and foresee what is real. No wonder the blind bard is prophetic…

Letter To My Unborn Child: Why Grandpa and Grandma Live in Independence Households

You are wrong! says Man. No, You are wrong! retorts Man’s wife. Perplexed  by the defect of both defaulting to right and wallowing in the wrong the ill lit path is paved with question marks and it is not so straightforward from here, where to go.  Man resents Man’s wife because Man’s wife adores Daughter. Man resents Daughter because Man adores Man’s wife. Man carries a cold burden of defense, and when Man sees Daughter his heavy glare casts a shadow upon her. Through the lens of his harsh light, how obvious it seems that she is a spitting image of her mother. Irony gives form to a bermuda triangle of resentment, and adoration and umbilical chord commitment. Oh how resentment ices adoration; how lovely and lethal it is to adore resentment; how commitment is a concept treated like a concrete shackle enslaving each to their own emotional turmoil, and someday, somehow, I am enraged and relieved that there must be a jailbreak.

I must go.

4 Jul


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