Archive | November, 2009

Thanksgiving, death, repeat.

26 Nov

Two years ago, I flew home for Thanksgiving because my grandmother died. The fallen matriarch left like grout from brick and all falls down in family cohesion.

Last year, I stayed in Los Angeles for Thanksgiving. The night before my ex-boyfriend (then, boyfriend) and I had a huge fight over who knows what. Thanksgiving day I thought he had died or ran away, and by 4 p.m. when we were supposed to head to his family’s dinner celebration, he had yet to be heard from. He wasn’t dead. We went to Thanksgiving. It was nice.

This year I was alone for thanksgiving. My other Grandmother has cancer. More or less, terminally ill. My mother wants to fly to be with her post-op. My grandma is too selfless to ask for this but I want for both of them to have one another in that time. I am poor. My family is poor. I told my mom I don’t want to go home for thanksgiving after talk about the cost of plane tickets, grandma, and lack of resources. I was happy to do so if it helped out. The holdisay means very little to me. Today I thought I Want Out, a thought that hasn’t passed through my mind in a long time. I am tired. What gets me is that I don’t care that I am alone, I care that I don’t care: I do not love anyone enough to care that I am alone today, I am not attached to anyone enough to care that I am alone today, and I want out of this dumbass game. I am tired. Thanksgiving and death, intrinsically intertwined, and I don’t care.

Numerology One-Year Forecast: free and fun, why not

25 Nov

My place in space demonstates I am what I know I am: a speck of conciousness blowing in the cosmic wind, my life a microcosm emulating the universal dance in tandem with and part of all else that ever was and ever will be



Your 3 Personal Year

The new year of 2010 is a time to use your intuition, imagination and inspiration to move your ventures along. You have lots of energy and business acumen and this year would be a fine time to make the most of them. Some of the projects you started during the last few years are likely to be expanding in 2010 and can gain considerably from your input. Any ability you have with words also can be helpful at this time. Make a creative contribution to your business ventures this year. You may find that particularly satisfying and fulfilling.

Be especially aware of your own feelings and pay attention to your friends’ and colleagues’ feelings, too. Try to be optimistic and cheerful and to minimize any feelings of worry or concern. See how much pleasure and happiness you can bring into your life. Instead of concentrating on business and finances, as you often prefer to do, devote more time to friends and social activities. You may want to enjoy some time with friends you haven’t seen in some time. You may also want to enjoy the charming new friends you’ve recently made. Throw some parties and attend some expansive gatherings, too. Emphasize the potential you have this year to develop more joy and delight in your life.

Monthly Highlights For 2010

The Personal Year is an important yearly influence. This influence, though, is expressed with a somewhat different emphasis each month. Be sure to take the monthly emphasis into account, too, when considering the best approach to take to each month’s events. Monthly highlights for 2010 are given next, followed by detailed descriptions for each month.

Some of your ongoing projects may benefit from your input in January, although a lot of work also may be required. Travel or socializing can be enjoyed in February. Strong business expansion is possible in May, along with good financial possibilities. New friends and new business partners may come to your attention in July. More travel may be forthcoming in September and many new friends, too, but there’s much work to accomplish in October. Look for exciting social activities in November.

A sticky note conversation with self in my political psychology class, as the world spins madly on.

24 Nov




Anwser: Reactions Based on Fear and Desperation.

22 Nov

Assertion turns Question: we watch tragedies happen, and ask–why?

Mirror image wobbles as whimsical as the eyes peering intently perceiving intensely, pondering perplexities of self and universe. Zoom out: these eyes are hazel, these eyes belong to my perspective. Zoom in: intoxicate self in the sensation and startling image emulated in words inspired by the perspective of my clockwork complimentary vision, in tandem mental recapitulation reverberates resounding truth from the eye trinity entirety –iris and cornea, retinal rods and cones, and the blind clairvoyance third eye eternal return immeasurably expansive through introspection and transcendence–  in the cognitive processes aligned with my identity:

(Leavey Library restroom, Sunday night, washing my hands, and lose my breath when I look in the mirror at an image reflected back at me. Far right flow left: myself, a sticky note, a fragile framed graduate student colorless save the blood coating her face, looking in the mirror I see that she should see me too but shows no signs of awareness of life and in a fleeting second I catch a wide eyes desperate infinite well of suffering plastic wrapped under a vacant surface expression. The following is a free write attempt to articulate what I know I saw I know unknown unseen thoughts to say the least…in her eyes I saw:)

Vocalized omniscient chorus, the repetitive poetics versed and cursed the humanity out of the self concept and in contempt the sadness sinks deeper into an expansive blue more solemn and desolate than Lingering lonely men who have existed and faded away into the secrecy shrouded shadows unknown and obscured by pompous cumulus clouds. Serpent like spells, twisted and spinning, alone now and forever parted not by death but rather love. No light had illuminated the feeble cirrus spirit looping in lines of self damnation in her mind, a psyche so demented demons would rather be resurrected and revealed through exorcism or psychoanalysis or friendship or eye contact or human touch or the subtle and un notable recognition of a passing stranger than continue the cyclic masochistic routine of the present best understood as a perpetual dance with the devil herself.

Plagued by introverted inertia programmed to stay programmed parasitic to self perpetuation lost in the dementia of absorption load blaring voices ring bleating cacophony misleading inside the mind of the girl staring in the bathroom mirror, silent save the hum of flourescent artifice sunlight.

A sticky note posted smack dab center on the mirror surface reads: “Look at yourself-you are beautiful!” I see first the sisterhood blooming ideology emanating the positive energy of human bonding from the pale yellow square with Bic ink-stained letters in a conceptual inevitable realization deception perhaps but perhaps a deception I must knowingly succumb to see me for who and what I am beyond the silly mechanics of sinister constructs manipulating my body and how it reads. Sensation of ambrosia warmth fills me.

I shift my attention towards the young woman to my left I see her reflection before her, not seen not heard not a peep not a word but she bled crimson pain from the porous orface opened wide perhaps infected from her face, a tiny nose and simultaneously a Niagara faucet and conduit tip-off towards the hope held hostage inside the mind of a strangled and suffocating psyche.

The victim the culprit the one in the same girl is looking at the note posted sticking needles into her wound for what she had just done was out of line with a message she longed to identify and though choked by the inability to believe her word with uttering I could see volumes of turmoil wrought with the greatest war man has ever known in written history through gateway eyes watery and one-dimensional like a wall hit by the good intentions of a sprinkler by a flowerbed.

I turn and walk out and without a doubt I known rock bottom when I see the sliver of a body and sickly yellow hue of unhealthy skin pleading for vitamins, once elastic by weathered and beaten up from the inside out. In my life I have seen rock bottom through my eyes and with my eyes and so I gesture a rudimentary unscientific hypothesis summoned by truths I hold without statistical analysis and ripe impetus to continue the platform from which i form this theory and has inhibited further exploration with a ceiling of glass begging me to chase this hypnotic spiritual calling: rock bottom across coping mechanisms, defense systems, addictions and escapes, is characterized by a sense of fear and desperation mutually intelligible between and amongst all, blind to experience specifics and situations.

Prolific and cryptic hieroglyphs keep reaching towards the center, regress towards the mean, i recognize you girl I never knew, you do exist, I am thinking of you for what its worth, I hope on some disconnected level goosebumps blown to surface by whips of night wind wane the pain and wax in a feeling of validation.

And thus I reveal a piece of vulnerability me–BeMused defined:
So lost in thought as to be unaware of one’s surroundings: absent, absent-minded, abstracted, distrait, faraway, inattentive, preoccupied. Idioms: a million miles away. See ability/inability, awareness/unawareness.

Atmosphere’s “Gods Bathroom Floor” is the closest representation of Rock Bottom, for what I know and what its worth:

Uma, Indian Great Goddess

19 Nov

Goddess Oracle Deck


The Black Virgin
The Cailleach
Ch’ang O

Green Tara

Ho Hsien-Ku
Jeanne D’Arc
Kwan Yin
The Magdalene
Maman Brijit

Nu Kua

Sri Lakshmi
The Virgin Mary
White Tara


Uma is one aspect of the Great Goddess of Indian mythology known as Devi (“the Goddess”). She is usually considered Siva’s wife, and can take several forms, from the gentle Parvati to the fierce Durga to the destroyer Kali.

Parvati’s husband, Siva, the god of ascetics, spent so much of His time meditating that He frequently ignored His wife. One day while He was meditating She came up behind Him and playfully put Her hands over His eyes. At this the light of the world went out, and in response a blazing third eye opened on Siva’s forehead, sprouting flames which caught the whole Himilayan range on fire. In horror Parvati pleaded with Him to restore things, which He did with a word.

Another story tells that Parvati finally got tired of being ignored by Her husband, and left Her home to become a wandering hermit. She practiced such harsh self-denial, that eventually Her husband, as God of ascetics, had to receive Her as His most devoted worshipper, and They were reconciled.

Her name is said to have been given to Her by Her mother, who upon learning of Parvati’s plan to practice extreme self-denial, cried out, “U! Ma!” which means “Oh! Don’t!”. Alternately, Uma is said to mean “Light”, or “The Peace of Night”.

Uma in a reading indicates self-sacrifice born of love. As the Shakti of Siva, the balancing power of the female, She represents the power of light, which illumines and makes understanding possible. In temporarily disregarding Her own needs, She is able to see more clearly.

Other forms: Kali the Black; Durga the Inaccessible; Bhairavi the Terrible; Ambika the Genatrix; Gauri the Brilliant; Sati the Dawn Goddess.


“I sorrow.”


Hypocracy Euthanasia free write

15 Nov

Poor unaware hypocrisy you

union of fools, unaware & uncouth

ideal held high with pinkies in air

yet behavior befuddled and the disparity glares

hypocrisy youth

gifted economically lifted

out of whack perspective

a far out echo of a cry for equality

a far out echo of a cry bleating mechanically programmed lips forms bleating proclamations for an end to hunger and homelessness and pity

morally impoverished hypocrisy youth

false sense of security teamed with terrified existence startled shadows silhouette the scared scar calloused essence of your existence, jump Stain jump cellulite jump discomfort jump neighbor jump siren jump nightfall, jump what will i be when i grow up jump back into reality and awaken a basic sense of sharing compassion or a tinge of a sentiment of relativity perhaps no more no less than a hue of humility factored into the matrix calculated emancipated yet fully grown perspective jaded retina vision, i plead awaken, hypocrisy you, you who run and will run the next generation, hypocrisy you, you are ever so unexperienced and always are confused on the meaning of truth, let me clarify your truths are your opinions, shall i extrapolate- no man need make room for your comfort and no man need be asked to conform to your consideration of self, only self, always self, what an empty, lonely, blissfully contented numb and unaware existence, hypocrisy you.

Active euthanasia through pandemic paradigm of passive hypocrisy you, transparent youth, privileged transparency contradicts opaque introspection having made my shattered glass a mosaic not born into stained illusory reality, yes, i truley do see, hypocrisy you.

Routes for further posthumous influence research

11 Nov


Shakur’s music and philosophy is rooted in many American, African-American, and World entities, including the Black Panther Party, Black nationalism, egalitarianism, and liberty. His debut album, 2Pacalypse Now, revealed the socially conscious side of Shakur. On this album, Shakur attacked social injustice, poverty and police brutality on songs “Brenda’s Got a Baby”, “Trapped” and “Part Time Mutha”. His style on this album was highly influenced by the social consciousness and Afrocentrism pervading hip hop in the late 1980s and early 1990s. On this initial release, Shakur helped extend the success of such rap groups as Boogie Down Productions, Public Enemy, X-Clan, and Grandmaster Flash, as he became one of the first major socially conscious rappers from the West Coast.
On his second record, Shakur continued to rap about the social ills facing African-Americans, with songs like “The Streetz R Deathrow” and “Last Wordz.” He also showed his compassionate side with the inspirational anthem “Keep Ya Head Up”, while simultaneously putting his legendary aggressiveness on display with the title track from the album Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z. he added a salute to his former group Digital Underground by including them on the playful track “I Get Around”. Throughout his career, an increasingly aggressive attitude can be seen pervading Shakur’s subsequent albums.
The contradictory themes of social inequality and injustice, unbridled aggression, compassion, playfulness, and hope all continued to shape Shakur’s work, as witnessed with the release of his incendiary 1995 album Me Against the World. In 1996, Shakur released All Eyez on Me. Many of these tracks are considered by many critics to be classics, including “Ambitionz Az a Ridah”, “I Ain’t Mad at Cha”, “California Love”, “Life Goes On” and “Picture Me Rollin'”.; All Eyez on Me was a change of style from his earlier works. While still containing socially conscious songs and themes, Shakur’s album was heavily influenced by party tracks and tended to have a more “feel good” vibe than his first albums. Shakur described it as a celebration of life, and the record was critically and commercially successful.
Shakur was a voracious reader. He was inspired by a wide variety of writers, including Niccolò Machiavelli, Donald Goines, Sun Tzu, Kurt Vonnegut, Mikhail Bakunin, Maya Angelou, Alice Walker, and Khalil Gibran. In his book, Dyson describes the experience of visiting the home of Shakur’s friend and promoter Leila Steinberg to find “the sea of books” once owned by Shakur.[63]

At a Mobb Deep concert following the death of the famed icon and release of The Don Killuminati: The 7 Day Theory, Cormega recalled in an interview that the fans were all shouting “Makaveli”,[64] and emphasized the influence of the The Don Killuminati: The 7 Day Theory and of Shakur himself even in New York at the height of the media-dubbed ‘intercoastal rivalry’. named Shakur the most influential rapper ever.[65]
To preserve Shakur’s legacy, his mother founded the Shakur Family Foundation (later re-named the Tupac Amaru Shakur Foundation or TASF) in 1997. The TASF’s stated mission is to “provide training and support for students who aspire to enhance their creative talents.” The TASF sponsors essay contests, charity events, a performing arts day camp for teenagers and undergraduate scholarships. The Foundation officially opened the Tupac Amaru Shakur Center for the Arts (TASCA) in Stone Mountain, Georgia, on June 11, 2005. On November 14, 2003, a documentary about Shakur entitled Tupac: Resurrection was released under the supervision of his mother and narrated entirely in his voice. It was nominated for Best Documentary in the 2005 Academy Awards. Proceeds will go to a charity set up by Shakur’s mother Afeni. On April 17, 2003, Harvard University co-sponsored an academic symposium entitled “All Eyez on Me: Tupac Shakur and the Search for the Modern Folk Hero.” The speakers discussed a wide range of topics dealing with Shakur’s impact on everything from entertainment to sociology.[66]
Many of the speakers discussed Shakur’s status and public persona, including State University of New York English professor Mark Anthony Neal who gave the talk “Thug Nigga Intellectual: Tupac as Celebrity Gramscian” in which he argued that Shakur was an example of the “organic intellectual” expressing the concerns of a larger group.[67] Professor Neal has also indicated in his writings that the death of Shakur has left a “leadership void amongst hip-hop artists.”[68] Neal further describes him as a “walking contradiction”, a status that allowed him to “make being an intellectual accessible to ordinary people”.
Professor of Communications Murray Forman, of Northeastern University, spoke of the mythical status about Shakur’s life and death. He addressed the symbolism and mythology surrounding Shakur’s death in his talk entitled “Tupac Shakur: O.G. (Ostensibly Gone)”. Among his findings were that Shakur’s fans have “succeeded in resurrecting Tupac as an ethereal life force”.[69] In “From Thug Life to Legend: Realization of a Black Folk Hero”, Professor of Music at Northeastern University, Emmett Price, compared Shakur’s public image to that of the trickster-figures of African-American folklore which gave rise to the urban “bad-man” persona of the post-slavery period. He ultimately described Shakur as a “prolific artist” who was “driven by a terrible sense of urgency” in a quest to “unify mind, body, and spirit”.[70]
Michael Dyson, University of Pennsylvania Avalon Professor of Humanities and African American Studies and author of the book Holler If You Hear Me: Searching for Tupac Shakur[63] indicated that Shakur “spoke with brilliance and insight as someone who bears witness to the pain of those who would never have his platform. He told the truth, even as he struggled with the fragments of his identity.”[71] At one Harvard Conference the theme was Shakur’s impact on entertainment, race relations, politics and the “hero/martyr”.[72] In late 1997, the University of California, Berkeley offered a student-led course entitled “History 98: Poetry and History of Tupac Shakur.”[73]
In late 2003, the Makaveli Branded Clothing line was launched by Afeni. In 2005, Death Row released Tupac: Live at the House of Blues. The DVD was the final recorded performance of Shakur’s career, which took place on July 4, 1996, and features a plethora of Death Row artists. In August 2006, Tupac Shakur Legacy was released. The interactive biography was written by Jamal Joseph. It features unseen family photographs, intimate stories, and over 20 removable reproductions of his handwritten song lyrics, contracts, scripts, poetry, and other personal papers. Shakur’s sixth posthumous studio album, Pac’s Life, was released on November 21, 2006. It commemorates the 10th anniversary of Shakur’s death. He is still considered one of the most popular artists in the music industry as of 2006.[74]
According to Forbes, in 2008 Shakur’s estate made $15 million.[75] In 2002, they recognize him as a Top Earning Dead celebrity coming in on number ten on their list.[76]

MTV ranked him at #2 on their list of The Greatest MCs of All Time.[77]
Shakur was inducted into the Hip-Hop Hall of Fame in 2002.[78]
In 2003, MTV’s “22 Greatest MCs” countdown listed Shakur as the “number 1 MC”, as voted by the viewers.[79]
In 2004, at the VH1 Hip Hop Honors Shakur was honored along with DJ Hollywood, Kool DJ Herc, KRS-One, Public Enemy, Run-D.M.C., Rock Steady Crew, and Sugarhill Gang.[80]
A Vibe magazine poll in 2004 rated Shakur “the greatest rapper of all time” as voted by fans.[81]
At the First Annual Turks & Caicos International Film Festival held on Tuesday, October 17, 2006, Shakur was honored for his undeniable voice and talent and as a performer who crossed racial, ethnic, cultural and medium lines; his mother accepted the award on his behalf.[82]
In 2008, the The National Association Of Recording Merchandisers in conjunction with the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame recognized him as a very influential artist and has added him in their Definitive 200 list.[83]
His double album, All Eyez on Me, is one of the highest-selling rap albums of all time, with over 5 million copies of the album sold in the United States alone by April 1996; it was eventually certified 9x platinum in June 1998 by the RIAA.[84]

Tupac paper notes

11 Nov


Twelve years after his premature death, Tupac Amaru Shakur remains one hip hop’s most controversial, influential, and iconic figures. This definitive collection of Tupac interviews, articles, and photographs from the pages VIBE magazine also includes a comprehensive discography and filmography, an original essay by VIBE Editor In Chief Danyel Smith and a foreword by VIBE founder Quincy Jones, who writes:

“The tragedy of Tupac is that his untimely passing is representative of too many black men in this country… If we had lost Oprah Winfrey at 25, we would have lost a relatively unknown, local market TV anchorwoman. If we had lost Malcom X at 25, we would have lost a hustler nicknamed Detroit Red. And if I had left the world at 25, we would have lost a big-band trumpet player and aspiring composer―just a sliver of my eventual life potential.”

Who Was Tupac Shakur? Pac was a magnent for the lost souls of the world. He set up charity to help kids with jailed and drug addicted perents. One eulogy put it succinctly: “…Pac wasnt a gangster, he was a soulja.”


Tupac in all of his fame and glory had his share of legal conflicts. One trial dealt with charges of sodomy, rape and sexual assault. After the judge gave him sexual assault verdict–Tupac went in front of the court and judge and stated in a few words an eloquent criticism. He asserted: justice is not being served, sentence him however it didn’t matter, because  he isn’t in the judges hands, he’s in gods hands, because the trial was a sham–the judge didn’t look him in eye and didn’t give him respect judtice needs to be served.


Black panthers are founded on education, and streets are based on wildness, so Tupac was the combined essence in his art, which was not mutually exclusive with Tupac’s self concept (at this time, an articulate nut.) Tupac’s first rap was in response to the issue of gun control, trying to make sense of life in the iner city and the conditions surrounding him after a good friend was shot and killed. He felt the media rarely asked the  right questions in their mass coverage and he wanted a cultural revolution, so in rhyme, responds to enter his voice into the discourse to become the revolutionary he asserted he wanted to be at just ten years old.

Shakur’s development in steps:

Tupac had early exposure to racism and political activism to his studies of drama to his move from Ney York, to Baltimore, to the West. Shakur’s art can be helpful in cross referencing the ideas of self expression and the effors toward survival and resistance that seem so haphazard and conflicted in much of hip hop music.  Through connections drawn between The Digital Underground and public enemy, notorious BIG dr dre, ice T ice Cube and sista soulja, pac life can be drawn as a prism for the hip hop world.

At the height of his stardom, Tupac always had to be drunk or high (he couldn’t function sober) and if the dopamine kick wasn’t illegal then he had to be doing something that was a lot of fun.  His laughter became forced. The former pacifist underwent a paradigm shift, contradicting his younger ideals fully when Tupac started encouraging shoting and swinging back.

Tupac wanted to get into politics to let his voice out there to depict what he perceived as reality instead of just ‘yes sir’ing’. Through his eyes, the depiction of gang youth was misguided: quite the antithesis, Tupac thought of the police as a gang, the national guard gang the prototype from which street gangs learned structure and formation. Pac delved into who he thought he was the voice for to live the life he sung about in his music. Thus, T.H.U.G. L..I.F.E. He wanted to make entire movement for the whole thug nation to turn around:America this is what you made me, now deal with my radical mentality. Shakur learned of ‘The Game’ the media showed him representing when he moved to Oakland. “Before I moved to Oakland I was only afraid of ignorance,” Shakur stated in an earlier interview.


Would follow police sirens with camcorders to put pressure on the police because he always felt he was being picked on in oakland was beat by police officers who  didn’t believe him when he said his name was Tupac Shakur

In other instance, shot police out of self defense when he intervened with the drunk officers giving a black motorist a hard time

Pac was a magnent for the lost souls of the world. He set up charity to help kids with jailed and drug addicted perents

The Digital Underground and public enemy, notorious BIG dr dre, ice T ice Cube and sista soulja, pac life can be drawn as a prism for the hip hop world.

He always had to be drunk or high, couldnt function sober, and if not then he had to be doing something that was a lot of fun.  his laughter were forced.

Started encouraging shoting and swinging back


Tupac wanted to get into politics to let his voice out there to depict what he perceived as reality intsead of just yes sir’ing: thought police were a gang, national gaurd gang, and that where the street gangs learned it from

Pac delved into who he thought he was the voice for to live the life he sung about in his music. Thus, T.H.U.G. L..I.F.E. He wanted to make entire movement for the whole thug nation to turn around

Would follow police sirens with camcorders to put pressure on the police because he always felt he was being picked on

In other instance, shot police out of self defense when he intervened with the drunk officers giving a black motorist a hard time

Thug Angel: The Life of an Outlaw notes

1960s– termoil and liberation and americans confronted with power of malcom x and MLK

Black panthers: believed needed to be an armed militia to fight the government

Huey newton was in 20s when started panthers, and he was a veracious reader; Tupac wanted to emulate that

Tupac was born two months after mom released from prison after defending herself sucessfully

tupac was a soldier from the womb, her mother socially conscious

Mutulu shakur was spiritual leader/ step father, put in jail at young age

“Thug Life” The hate you give little infants fucks everybody”

Nigga “never ignorant always getting goals accomplished”

“We talk a lot about Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr., but it’s time to be like them, as strong as them. They were mortal men like us and everyone of us can be like them. I don’t want to be a role model. I just want to be someone who says, this is who I am, this is what I do. I say what’s on my mind.” — Tupac Amaru Shakur (T.I.P)

“If you can’t find something to live for, you’d best find something to die for.” — Tupac Amaru Shakur (T.I.P)

Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z, was a continuation of raw messages from a young black male. Although this album still emphasized 2Pac’s political and social thoughts, the style and production was a lot more hardcore than the debut album. This album was full of sadness, compassion and rage and also carried many disses to then Vice President Dan Quayle in retaliation for his criticism of 2Pacalypse Now.

This album also had a lot more commercial success than 2Pacalypse Now. ‘Keep Ya Head Up’ got acclaim for it’s social pertinence and its supportive message to single mothers. ‘I Get Around’ was the ultimate party jam of its time. ‘Holler If You Hear Me’ and ‘Last Wordz’ continued Tupac’s political attitude in his lyrics. Unfortunately, the raw political messages faded after this album as 2Pac got deeper and deeper into the Thug Life, his marijuana addictions, fame, legal problems, and skepticism from being backstabbed from ‘friends’. They only began to return near and during his recording of Makaveli, shortly before his untimely death.

The production on this album was better than the first.

THUG LIFE was an initiative started by 2Pac before being jailed. The goal was to find aspiring young rappers and help them get initial exposure to the rap scene. This album featured Rated R, Big Syke, Mopreme, and Macadoshis. Future volumes were to feature other artists. Unfortunately, a second volume was never released. However, after 2Pac’s death the other artists from this album attempted to release a THUG LAW album which had only mediocore success.


“I believe that everything that you do bad comes back to you. So everything that I do that’s bad, I’m going to suffer from it. But in my mind, I believe what I’m doing is right. So I feel like I’m going to heaven.”

“I feel like Black Jesus got his hands on me and guides me through life to put me where I’m supposed to be…”

“I feel like role models today are not meant to be put on a pedestal. But more like angels with broken wings”

“It always happens, all the niggaz that change the world die, they dont get to die like regular people, they die violently”

“We talk a lot about Malcom X and Martin Luther King JR, but It’s time to be like them, as strong as them. They were mortal men like us and everyone of us can be like them. I don’t want to be a role model. I just want to be someone who says, this is who i am, this is what i do. I say what’s on my mind%quot;

“I am societies child, this is how they made me, and now im sayin what’s on my mind and they dont want that. This is what you made me America.”

“The only thing America respects is power and power concedes nothing. After the LA Riots, they tried to calm us down and nothing changed since”

“Though are hands are chained like they are, they haven’t taken music from us yet. So that’s how I’ll fight. People tell me don’t quit like everyone else. I wont have no fear.”

“If God wanted me to be quiet he would’ve never showed me what he does.”

“The only thing that comes to a sleeping man is dreams.”

“Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real.”

“Let me say for the record, I am not a gangster and never have been. Im not the thief who grabs your purse. Im not the guy who jacks your car. Im not down with the people who steal and hurt others. Im just a brother who fights back.”

“The real tragedy is that there are some ignorant brothers out here. That’s why I’m not on this all-White or all Black shit. I’m on this all-real or all fake shit with people, whatever color you are. Because niggaz will do you. I mean, there’s some [foul] niggaz out there [in the streets]; the same niggaz that did Malcolm X, the same niggaz that did Jesus Christ- every brother ain’t a brother. They will do you. So just because it’s Black, don’t mean it’s cool. And just because it’s White don’t mean it’s evil.”

“We are in the midst of a very dangerous, non-productive, self-destructive civil war. And it’s not just rap shit. It’s ideals. And this rap shit is just bringin’ it to a head. The East Coast believe one thing, and the West Coast believer one thing. The East Coast got one way of life, the West Coast got another wayof life, it always co-existed. We’re coming to the turn of the century where we gotta mash together. But we can only do it one way, one style. And that’s what we’re trying to figure out now, and I think the world is watching that.”

“Imperfection is inherited, therefore we all sin, but fighting the war of sin is the greatest war of all because we all die in the end no matter how hard we fight.”

“I never thought I was the best rapper the best nothing’. I think I’m the realist nigga out there”

“If you walked by a street and you was walking a concrete and you saw a rose growing from concrete, even if it had messed up petals and it was a little to the side you would marvel at just seeing a rose grow through concrete. So way is it that when you see some ghetto kid grow out of the dirtiest circumstance and he can talk and he can sit across the room and make you cry, make you laugh, all you can talk about is my dirty rose, my dirty stems and how am leaning crooked to the side, u can’t even see that I’ve come up from out of that”

“I don’t bang for the color or the land. I bang for the principles and for the honor. I’m bangin’ for the Westside- this is in my heart, this is how I feel.”

“Can’t nobody touch me right now. Maybe next month all of this will be over. But this month I’m takin’ every movin’ target out.”

“To me, I feel that my game is strong. I feel as thought I’m a shining prince, just like Malcolm, and I feel that all of us are shining princes, and if we live like princes, then whatever we want can be ours. Anything.”

“My music is not for everyone. It’s only for the stong-willed, the [street] soldiers music. It’s not like party music- I mean, you could gig to it, but it’s spiritual. My music is spiritual. It’s like Negro spiituals, except for the fact that I’m not saying ‘We shall Overcome.’ I’m saying that we are overcome.”

“And the raps that I’m rappin to my community shouldn’t be filled with rage? They shouldn’t be filled with same attrocities that they gave me? The media they don’t talk about it, so in my raps I have to talk about it, and it seems foreign because there’s no one else talking about it.”

“If you know in this hotel room they have food every day and I knock on the door. Every day they open tha door to let me see tha party, let me see that they throwin’ salami, throwin’ food around telling me there’s no food. Every day. I’m standing outside tryin to sing my way in- “We are weak, please let us in. We’re week, please let us in.” After about a week tha song is gonna change to, “We’re hungry, we need some food.” After two, three weeks it’s like “Give me some of tha food! I’m breakin down tha door.” After a year it’s like, “I’m pickin’ the lock, comin’ through the door blastin.” It’s like, “I’m hungry.” You reached your level, you don’t want any more. We asked ten years ago, we were askin’ with the Panthers, we were askin’ in the Civil Rights Movement. Now those who were askin’ are all dead or in jail, wo what are we gonna do? And we shouldn’t be angry!?”

“My raps are a decision, rabble rousing, spiritual, like gospel music. I don’t want to dance. We have so many things to deal with, we need to talk straight up and down.”

“I don’t advocate senseless violence of any human being. I’m the one who’s been beat down. But I will not be a victim again.”

“If we really are saying that rap is an art form, then we got to be more responsible for our lyrics. If you see everybody dying because of what you are saying, it dont matter that you didnt make them die, it just matters that you didnt save them.”

“I didn’t create THUG LIFE, I diagnosed it” — Tupac Amaru Shakur (T.I.P)

Book overview

“When I was a baby I remember one moment of calm peace, then three minutes after that it was on.”A stunningly designed, richly illustrated companion to the much-anticipated documentary film, Tupac: Resurrection brings unprecedented clarity and soulful intimacy to the life and work of Tupac Shakur.In many ways the autobiography he never got to write, Tupac: Resurrection features the artist in his own words, examining his complicated life and the controversial decisions that plagued him while he was alive. Tupac: Resurrection captures, as never before, his boundless passion, searing honesty, and stunning intelligence, and showcases a range of never-before-seen writings, letters, screenplay ideas, lyrics, poems, photographs, and personal effects, and stands as an indelible testament to the artist’s astonishing cultural legacy. Tupac: Resurrection crystallizes the enduring significance and impact of one of the most complex, haunting, and influential artists of our time.

“But I see now that whether I show up for work or not, the evil forces are going to beat me. They’re going to come 100 percent, so if I dont be 100 percent pure-hearted, I’m going to lose. And thats why I’m losing.”

“I leave this here and hope God sees my heart is pure. Is heaven just another door?” — Tupac Amaru Shakur (T.I.P)

“I’m not sayin I’m gonna rule the world, or I’m gonna change the world, but I guarantee that I will spark the brain that will change the world” — Tupac Amaru Shakur (T.I.P)

“Everytime I speak, I want the truth to come out. Everytime I speak I want [them to] shiver, I don’t want them to be like they know what I’m gonna say cuz it’s [always] polite. They know what I’m gonna say? And even if I get in trouble, ain’t that what we supposed to do?” — Tupac Amaru Shakur (T.I.P)

“Let me say for the record, I am not a gangster and never have been. Im not the thief who grabs your purse. Im not the guy who jacks your car. Im not down with the people who steal and hurt others. Im just a brother who fights back.” — Tupac Amaru Shakur (T.I.P)

“Imperfection is inherited. Therefore we all sin. But fighting the war of sin is the greatest war of all because we all die in the end, no matter how hard we try” — Tupac Amaru Shakur (T.I.P)


Liberty Needs Glasses

excuse me but lady liberty needs glasses

and so does mrs justice by her side

both the broads r blind as bats

stumbling thru the system

justice bumbed into mutulu and

trippin on geronimo pratt

but stepped right over oliver

and his crooked partner ronnie

justice stubbed her big toe on mandela

and liberty was misquoted by the indians

slavery was a learning phase

forgotten with out a verdict

while justice is on a rampage

4 endangered surviving black males

i mean really if anyone really valued life

and cared about the masses

theyd take em both 2 pen optical

and get 2 pair of glasses

When Ure Hero Falls

when your hero falls from grace

all fairy tales r uncovered

myths exposed and pain magnified

the greatest pain discovered

u taught me 2 be strong

but im confused 2 c u so weak

u said never 2 give up

and it hurts 2 c u welcome defeat

when ure hero falls so do the stars

and so does the perception of tomorrow

without my hero there is only

me alone 2 deal with my sorrow

your heart ceases 2 work

and your soul is not happy at all

what r u expected 2 do

when ure only hero falls

Jada (now, Pickett-Smith)

u r the omega of my heart

the foundation of my conception of love

when i think of what a black woman should be

its u that i first think of

u will never fully understand

how deeply my heart feels 4 u

i worry that we’ll grow apart

and i’ll end up losing u

u bring me 2 climax without sex

and u do it all with regal grace

u r my heart in human form

a friend i could never replace

In The Depths of Solitude

i exist in the depths of solitude

pondering my true goal

trying 2 find peace of mind

and still preserve my soul

constantly yearning 2 be accepted

and from all receive respect

never comprising but sometimes risky

and that is my only regret

a young heart with an old soul

how can there be peace

how can i be in the depths of solitude

when there r 2 inside of me

this duo within me causes

the perfect oppurtunity

2 learn and live twice as fast

as those who accept simplicity

And 2Morrow

Today is filled with anger

fueled with hidden hate

scared of being outcast

afraid of common fate

Today is built on tragedies

which no one wants 2 face

nightmares 2 humanities

and morally disgraced

Tonight is filled with rage

violence in the air

children bred with ruthlessness

because no one at home cares

Tonight I lay my head down

but the pressure never stops

knawing at my sanity

content when I am dropped

But 2morrow I c change

a chance 2 build a new

Built on spirit intent of Heart

and ideals

based on truth

and tomorrow I wake with second wind

and strong because of pride

2 know I fought with all my heart 2 keep my

dream alive

Books Read by Tupac Shakur: This is a list of books read by Tupac during his lifetime including while he was at the Baltimore School of Arts and in prison. They are presented in no particular order. The topics include black history, the afterlife, religion including Zen, war, women’s liberation, music, and poetry. Reading these books, it is clear how they molded 2Pac’s thinking and language. This is a handy list of good reading material if you ever find yourself locked up.

Monster: The Autobiography of an L.A. Gang Member
Written by: Sanyika Shakur
Assata: An Autobiography
Written by: Assata Shakur
Ponder on This: A Compilation
From the Writings of: Alice A Bailey & the Tibetan Master, Djwhal Khul
The Phenomenon of Man
Written by: Teilhard de Chardin
Written by: Gersham Scholem
Thoughts and Meditations
Written by: Kahlil Gibran
Written by: Alice A Bailey
The Autobiography of Malcolm X
As told to: Alex Haley
Ah, This!
Written by: Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
Written by: Alex Haley
The Tibetan Book of the Dead
Written by: W.Y. Evans-Wentz
Black Like Me
Written by: John Howard Griffin
Bhagavad-Gita As It Is
Written by: A.C. Bhaktive-danta Swami Prabhupada
The Confessions of Nat Turner
Written by: William Styron
The Psychedelic Experience- A Manual Based on the Tibetan Book of the Dead
Written by: Timothy Leary, Ph.D, Ralph Metzner, Ph.D., Richard Alpert, Ph.D.
James Baldwin: The Legacy
Edited by: Quincy Troupe
Written by: Elisabeth Haich
The Meaning of Masonry
Written by: W.L. Wilmshurst
Social Essays
Written by: LeRoi Jones
The Grapes of Wrath
Written by: John Steinbeck
I Shall Not Be Moved
Written by: Maya Angelou
And Still I Rise
Written by: Maya Angelou
I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings
Written by: Maya Angelou
Nature, Man and Woman
Written by: Alan W. Watts
Linda Goodman’s Sun Signs
Written by: Linda Goodman
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
Written by: Robert M. Pirsig
A Raisin in the Sun
Written by: Lorraine Hansberry
Native Son
Written by: Richard Wright
The Practical Encyclopedia Of Natural Healing
Written by: Mark Bricklin
The Complete Illustrated Book of the Psychic Sciences
Written by: Walter B. Gibson and Litzka R. Gibson
Written by: George Orwell
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Written by: Gabriel Garcia Marquez
The Destiny of the Nations
Written by: Alice A. Bailey
The Visionary Poetics of Allen Ginsberg
Written by: Paul Portuges
The Dictionary of Cultural Literacy
Written by: E.D. Hirsch, Jr., Joseph F. Kett, James Trefil
The Diary of Anais Nin
Edited and with a Preface by: Gunther Stuhlmann
The Souls of Black Folk
Written by:W.E. Burghardt DuBois
The Psychic Realm
Written by: Naomi A. Hintze and J. Gaither Pratt, Ph.D.
Tropic of Cancer
Written by: Henry Miller
Nostradamus: The Millennium & Beyond
Written by: Peter Lorie
The State of the World Atlas
Written by: Michael Kidron and Ronald Segal
Catcher in the Rye
Written by: J.D. Salinger
Sisterhood is Powerful: Anthology of Writings from the Women’s Liberation Movement
Written by: Robin Morgan
In Search of Our Mother’s Gardens
Written by: Alice Walker
Savage Inequalities: Children in America’s Schools
Written by: Jonathan Kozol
At the Bottom of the River
Written by: Jamaica Kincaid
Music of Black Americans: A History
Written by: Eileen Southern
Moby Dick
Written by: Herman Melville
Life and Words of Martin Luther King, Jr.
Written by: Ira Peck
Art of War
Written by: Sun Tzu
Interesting People: Black American History Makers
Written by: George L. Lee
Blues People
Written by: Amiri Baraka
All You Need to Know About the Music Business
Written by: Donald Passman
All God’s Children: The Boskett Family and the American Tradition of Violence
Written by: Fox Butterfield
Black Sister: Poetry by Black American Women, 1746 to 1980
Edited by Earlene Stetson
The Harder We Run: Black Workers Since the Civil War
Written by: William H. Harris
Makes Me Wanna Holler
Written by: Nathan McCall
Great White Lie: Slavery, Emancipation and Changing Racial Attitudes
Written by: Jack Gratus
Imitation of Christ
Written by: Thomas a Kempis
Teachings of the Buddha
Written by: Jack Kornfield
No Man Is an Island
Written by: Thomas Merton
Written by: Evelyn Underhill
Wisdom of Insecurity
Written by: A.N. Watts
Secret Splendor Written by: Charles Essert
Life as Carola Written by: Joan Grant
Serving HumanityFrom the writings of: Alice A. Bailey
Here and Hereafter Written by: Ruth Montgomery
The Prince Written by Machiavelli


2Pacalypse Now, the great debut release, is probably 2Pac’s most raw political album. He addresses social issues such as police brutality, poverty, teenage pregnancy, and drug abuse with the anger of a young black male.

This album was strongly criticised by politics and the media. Vice president Dan Quayle believed ” that this album has no place in our society”. It didn’t help this album’s image when it was found in the tape player of a young black male who shot and killed the police officer who pulled him over. The male was at the time listening to Souljah’s Story; one of the songs where 2Pac raps in detail about killing cops.

This album showcases all of the elements of 2Pac’s nature that he later focused on at various stages in his life and career. ‘Brenda’s Got A Baby’ and ‘Violent’ highlight 2 extremes of his complex character: Sadness in circumstances and raw vengeful anger driven by a need to survive.

All Eyez On Me is one of the most influential hip-hop albums of all time. This CD was dropped by a new 2Pac, fresh out of jail on bail with Death Row records. 2Pac hit the studios literally hours after being released and this CD is said to be recorded in less than 2 weeks. This double album was 2Pac’s first (and second) of three albums obligated to Death Row Records in exchange for their support in baling him out of jail. It is arguably 2Pac’s best album, and surely his most well known.

Me Against the World

was 2Pac’s reflections at one of the most difficult points in his life. This album was recorded while he was recovering from a gunshot wound and released while he was imprisoned for sexual assault. The album quickly shot to number one on the charts.

Many believe this album to be the pinnacle of gangster rap albums. 2Pac was deep into marijuana during this period and the album reflects that with messages of paranoia such as ‘If I Die 2Nite’ and ‘Death Around the Corner’. On top of the paranoia, the references to organized crime (‘Heavy in The Game’, the real nihilistic apathy towards the world (‘Fuck the World’) and especially the reflection on the reprecussions of violence (‘So Many Tearz’) were a great contrast to the cartoonish thug rap albums of the time. This was unlike any other ‘Gangster Rap’ CD, as it went deep into the meaning of many subjects and also contained several emotional rhymes (‘Dear Mama’) and personal reflections (‘It Aint Easy’). It didn’t glorify the lifestyle but brought positive encouragement for people to seek a better lifestyle (‘Young Niggaz’). Many other gangster rap artists have since failed trying to duplicate the emotional depth and realness of this album.


This album was a no holds barred tribute to the thug lifestyle. There are some remnants of his old political and social messages but they are overpowered by the strong sense of anger from being jailed while the men who tried to convict him and then kill him were roaming about free.

The 7day Theory – Released under an alias: “Makaveli the don killuminati”, the first album to be released after 2Pac’s death. However, it is unlikely all of the other posthumuous releases because the production was finished by 2Pac himself and he was promoting it before he was shot and killed.

The vocals for this album were recorded in just 3 days and it was originally entitled the 3day theory. For some reason, 2Pac later changed the title. The entire album including production took 7 days. One of the most well known songs on this album, ‘Hail Mary’ was recorded in only 30 minutes.

Makaveli is a very dark and intense album containing 2Pac’s most passionate and poetic works. He started once again to return to his commentary on social and political issues.

This album featured 2Pac on a cross which played an important part to the proliferation of faked death theories. Another ‘clue’ that sparked the theories was the famous ‘Suge shot me’ heard at the begining of the CD.

Rebel for the hell of it: the life … – Google Books

Sunrise over Spiral Jetty (Conservation at the Getty)

5 Nov

Sunrise over Spiral Jetty (Conservation at the Getty).

Hello world!

5 Nov

Welcome to This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!

Always Burning: an automatic writting entranced in my chants, inspired after viewing the alan glass film in class

4 Nov

I Fell

Down the Hole

My Shadow absolves

–Hollow herself, herself hollow–

Her Presence an absence I follow her into

herself a presence

an absence

cloaked infinitely

expansive divinity

leap year over linear

absurd  in profundity

Her presence an absence

Hollow as a hypocrite

fluid in shape shifting in place

programmed awareness clouded

cognitive blindness

inherent ignorance

so this song of self I sing.

Her prescense an absence

My Shadow abstracts–

there is a hole in my whole

my hole in the whole

a hole in myself my self a whole myself a microcosm

creation depletion smoke and mirrors mirages in tears to tired to stream

I step to the bank I feel the current of the river cool and blushingly with droplets fresh from mountainside dew and carrying on its back effortlessly colors of leaves lacing autumn trees with the orange of the fire that burns behind my rib caged it bumps – thump thump, thump thump, palpating in rhyme to a rhythm sublime unleashing the goddess within I am whole–

my hole is the beauty in the intricate flaw cosmological whatnot wasted time ruminating over trivialities blossom and extrapolate what I fathom into a world I imagine my reality is a universe of her own and only I can see what I see with the retinal or mind eye sight and this height is my own my own perspective so why I fight myself and name the hole in my whole something other than me, part of my self part of humanity part of the eternal return egg-shaped infinity transcendence is coming I feel it in my bones below the place where my neck meets my back between my shoulder blades like the four points the native americans used to stand like the stake during a time before I arrived into how I know myself now, and I will not burn on this stake I will emulate its structure and pride myself,

Sesquipadalion! Sesquipadalion! dandelion daffodil hazel witch spell!

my word is my magic and miracles can happen when I believe in my power make peace with my hole and just Be.

The King of Wands

RPO — Percy Bysshe Shelley : Mont Blanc: Lines Written in the Vale of Chamouni

3 Nov

RPO — Percy Bysshe Shelley : Mont Blanc: Lines Written in the Vale of Chamouni.

Response to Andre Breton’s Nadja

2 Nov

“Who am I? If this once I were to rely on a proverb, then perhaps everything would amount to knowing whom I ‘haunt.'”

-Andre Breton, NADJA, opening sentences

Who you are is what haunts you. Makes sense. Action is often motivation to avoid fear stimulus or strike first.

We confront or run. Confront or run confront or run. Always running. look back. you’ve been dead long before you died. Living by default. And doubtlessly, haunting the hearts you break along the way.

and if i come to

1 Nov

and if i come to terms with myself tomorrow from a floating

blur bouncing between dust bunnies

floating ethereal brisk like may to the date I was born into myself

and may in my dissent and return

may in my motions torrents of whirlwind spirals

swirling circular round branches bursting with the

fragrance of musk and dignity, maple and mahogany,

mari-golden magnificence manifests

queen dome hill- omniscient, luminous-

tumbling vines divine pregnant burst bus and fruit buds and luna flowers

a temple sacred keep-tress of mystery mirage in retinal presence

underneath her stem hatched wardrobe  archives  time and memory

layered sedimentary listening to the wail of the unseen unheard unwanted unknown

tree, that infamous stranger, forever falling, falling, falling

dead before dying, failing to THUMP and never to hit the soil

smack like face against asphalt, faking purpose in the meantime

and that is to say, eternity, as falling is dying state of the sound

remains the echos of leaves maniachaly laughing

resound in my head only my head alone.

coated with

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