Drifting into sleep, and behind eye lids a scene unfolds and I dissolve into a secret I hold with the aware unconscious of the night and the forces within and beyond my self hold streaming scenes and sessions of jurisdiction through signs and symbols.
This is a free write. It is 3:37 a.m. I mustn’t let this slip forgotten.
I am sitting. There is no color. There is no light. It is neither night or day. I am in a dome of collage shapes and shadows the appear and disappear like sea urchins, slightly more translucent shadows that bear the presence of the feeling they evoke rather more so than visible detectability.
My skin is the porcelain and my eyes un-blinking, glazed and disembodied lack of presence like a china doll in profile position. I know this is me despite the fact that I am looking upon myself in the scene because I am feeling the passing shadows in their proximity relation the this body. I repeat the thought directed at the shadows, ‘ I want to understand you.’ [Note: I recently read the book of Job and have been discovering the duality of forces light and dark as one almighty balance and therefore cannot feel divided or partial to accepting only one polar force of the duality.]
The most corporeal of the shadowy shapes and forms approaches me with a strangely shaped tool, similar to a hammer headed shark or a sledgehammer but with the piercing power of a machete. Slowly, as if relishing the resistance, the tool and jammed like an ice pick between my eye, where my third eye is, and is pulled severing skin and skull all the way backward over the top of my head down the line of my corpus callosum. As the tool penetrates my body, my eyes do not blink my skin does not flush I do not bleed. My head is thrown back and my eye roll upward and back towards my skull.
Out of the bottom white of my eye underneath my bottom eye lashes two marigold butterflies form. They flutter free from the torture of my body and into the open air. There is a lightness to my emotion, now; there is a lightness of being and I realize that I am the butterflies that released themselves from body. I am two butterflies unaffected by intentional destruction and mutilation of my body. The insatiable shadow gouges and hacks, and I remain unaffected. Aloof. I am two butterflies, and I am free.