Neither Always Nor Never [Free Write]

1 Aug

Assertion: Always is Never True.

Exception: always is always never true.

Solution: Always is only a true possibility when balanced and qualified by Never, its antithesis supplement and binary opposition.

Truth is a burning secret that will not allow itself to be shared. Perspective, personality, circumstance: the sensory, perceptive, intuitive, judgmental, logical and feeling animals we are each live one truth, streaming and continuously passing, adapting, adjusting and reacting in all sense of the tenses with the ease and flow of moments.

The tide of ego. Low tide: I write with rabid tenacity, tearing black ink like oil from the depths of my will to march on from my spirit onto pure, white paper. High tide: my truth, my secret, is known, and I feel no surging canonical flow pulsating and articulating itself from the inside out. My truth is known. The world is safe. The world lives love and I breathe it too.

I wish it were not so, but the reality of the matter goes: most nights I wake up sobbing a few hours after falling asleep (though I rarely know when I really drift off), feeling whooshing and overwhelming emotions of grief, mourning, sadness, anger. Intense, the emotion comes from inside the lightness of happy and hollow bones and I am that emotion in these moments, I am intensity as deep as a well’s imagination .

I awoke about an hour ago, afraid tonight may be a waking nightmare like last nights magnanimous gushing of anger from nowhere, and throughout this free write the sadness dissipates into understanding and compassion for myself and allowing the emotion to realize itself in its full and pure bred manifestation, and gently leave me to rest. To sleep under the summer night sieve that winks through the crescent crack of my basement window, and wonder, invisible curiosity with a Cheshire smile, for what purpose do I serve to the rippling silent intensity in this life?

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One Response to “Neither Always Nor Never [Free Write]”

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