Today, how many tenses took my presence from the present and flick it it forward, backward, and below where I am to where I’ve been and where I will go. The only thing I am sure of is I will go. Time flows and I am on its conveyer belt for the rise, at least in this life time.
Have you ever noticed that the words “short” and “long” can refer to both the 1st and the 4th dimension? The latitudinal yawn of the infinite, vanishing horizon; the dual elastic stretching of the arms of time; life is short, but the days can feel so long.
I have to leave. I have nowhere to go.
My grandma’s cancer came back. Surgury soon.
My mothers cancer came back. Surgury soon.
There is literally no place and no resource to house and support me at home.
Maybe–saturday, I’ll know prognosis and plan.
I want to tell him I love him but I’m afraid he doesn’t want to hear it.
I need someone to hold me.
I am trying to keep myself together but the fabric of my life is fringed at the ends and I am so tired of repair. I want a chance to be alive. I can’t take it anymore. The stress eats me. I eat the stress. I don’t eat the stress. I can’t control anything. I want to beheld. Why is everyone dying. Everyone I love dies.