The palpitating heart inside my chest scares me. I feel so good. My body however is collapsing. I am concerned one of these may not be followed by another. I am colder every day. Muscles ache, joints clench, and its so strange to feel myself growing physically weaker when my mind and emotions are finding strength and balance within themselves, taking every morning, a gift, as it comes, each day another chance to get it right this time. If I do not wake then so it is–I do not fear death. But I am motivated on behalf of my self-concern to document it. Moving places, changes jobs, changing seasons, changing years. I feel strong. When is my body going to catch itself up?