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Dream (free write)

19 Jun

How strange this dream. I was in control of time but not  situations. I was aware that I was dreaming. This dream was so strange that I used my remote control to pause scene and replay trying to figure out what was going on, and what it meant. I may need some help from the wise and the ancients interpreting some of the archetypes.

Looking inside an underwater terrarium, a giant fish tank unlike the aquarium where you have one glass wall, but a gigantic box of glass walls you can walk 360 degrees around.

A baby monkey-elephant hybrid that was swimming towards me. I asked the person next to me how this animal that I suspected was a land mammal could survive underwater and not drown. It was a special money-elephant that lived under sea and could breathe apparently.

A baby whale-elephant hybrid. Slowly swimming up behind the money-elephant. I saw it as harmless but as it approached the money-hybrid It became more whale like with a giant eel like unhinged jaw ready to eat monkey elephant. Monkey elephant knew it was dangerous without turning around and could feel it coming and started to paw at glass frantically, turning into a snow lepord – elephant hybrid as danger increased.

Whale-elephant also shifted into a snow lepord-whale as it grew more predatorial. Predator big the neck of prey and ravaged its neck trying to tear its head off. both animals grew more snow lepord like and one was larger than the other, but otherwise by the end of the battle attack, both were snow tigers, no longer snow lepord or whatever they were hybrid-with before. The smaller survived the battled, fully intact, unscathed. It was a miracle.

Tiger:

  • To see a tiger in your dream, represents power and your ability to exert it in various situations. The dream may also indicate that you need to take more of a leadership role. Alternatively, the tiger represents female sexuality, aggression, and seduction. To dream that you are attacked by a tiger, symbolizes repressed feelings or emotions that frighten you. To see a caged tiger in your dream, suggests that your repressed feelings/emotions are on the verge of surfacing.

Whale:

  • To see a whale in your dream, represents your intuition and awareness. You are in tuned with your sense of spirituality. Alternatively, a whale symbolizes a relationship or business project that may be too big to handle. You are feeling overwhelmed. The dream may also be a pun on “wailing” and a desire to cry out about something.

Monkey:

  • To see a monkey in your dream, symbolizes deceit, insight and intuition. Those around you are working to advance their own interest. Alternatively, monkeys indicate an immature attitude, a playful nature and the mischievous side of your personality.  Consider also the significance of the Three Mystic Monkeys who cover their eyes, ears and mouth to mean that they see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil.

Elephant:

  • To see an elephant in your dream, indicates that you need to be more patient or more understanding of others. Or perhaps there is a memory that you are holding on to for too long. You need to let go of the past. The elephant is also a symbol of power, strength, faithfulness and intellect. Alternatively, the elephant’s introverted personality may be a reflection of your own personality. In particular, if you see a white elephant, then it symbolizes royalty.

Snow leopard:

  • Thriving in an environment that most would consider unfriendly or harsh. Strength in action (especially through silence) and personal power. Decisiveness, the attitude of “act now, think later,” extremely in touch with basic instincts. Smooth in action and capable, with an edge of danger.
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Making Sense of Loose Change {Free Write}

10 Jun

Stress feels like audible frequency.

I sense it  stirring and rearranging

the pieces of a labyrinth puzzle.

I hurt for a hint of silent reprieve,

exhalation of twilight secrecy into dawn day, break–

creaking, cracking  I am an egg–on hot cement, scrambled.

I am a omelett who wishes to reverse osmosis

and return to my time as an egg.

Creativity, Imagination and Curiosity set me free.

So I seek and explore beyond the waters

drip-dropping off the edges

of my mind’s expanding, elastic frontier.

Trying to find my balance [free write]

24 Apr

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I walked and walked and walked. All weekend. Trying to find new turns. Trying to uncover truth under an unfamiliar overpass. I followed my feet and the music and made my way all around LA. The tension built within me had me wound up and moving my body helps me find a stillness in my mind. My restless mind.

What was on my mind, one may wonder? Like the groundhog waking from hibernation: to squirm against gravity in resurfacing into a familiar yet brand new world is a feeling that supersedes the logic of trying to articulate the sensation. My eyes adjusted to the darkness underground. The cool dark walls and leaks and creaks has made a home for me since I moved out of my parents house almost 6 years ago. I like having nothing to lose. I like the simplicity of having only what I need. I found out that I got a job I had interviewed for. I am thrilled to receive the offer. However, the months ahead will lead to drastic changes in my life and I don’t want to learn to value the things that I see are illusory and material and I don’t want to lose myself in business and I don’t want my dreams and passions to extinguish and I know that all of my worries are my fears and there is nothing to worry about because growth is like a tree and my core and integrity growth with me as I take on life or life takes on me and it took me miles and miles and a weekend to feel at peace with it all.

My heart is heavy. Attachment feels like a 7 year old girls in rubber boots sitting curbside on a log sobbing into the clamor of thunder and rainfall. Wishing home would call out for her and want her back. Wishing there was a place or a voice that embodied the thumbprint of home, the place to be navigated by the northern star. I ran away when I was 7 for the first time. This feeling of attachment as a 7 year girl is mostly memory. I understood what attachment means to me when I felt detached for the first time. I do not attach easily to any one or anything. I love boldly. Too boldly? What a strange idea. An oxymoron. I feel like an oxymoron for continuously writing this stream of thought. I just killed a bug that landed on me with my bare hands like Obama. And with that, adieu.

I haven’t posted any graphic designs or photographs I’ve made or takenfor a while here, so check it out world, I am emerging above.

Dream Journal [Free Write]

10 Apr

The first and fourth dimension meld into one and the same moment.

1st & 4th dimension folding into one another, collapsing a prism, melding the moment into memory.

The moment melds with the 4th dimension mortar (time), the mirror reflection of the 1st dimension (length), encasing the 3 faced prism into a package with the folding of an origami cranes beak. The moment is the ember of a campfire, and lifts towards the night sky, eventually swallowed by the darkness in the realm of nothing, stars and the space and position between.

 

Chalking up dust from quantum inquiries [free write]

7 Apr

Motion and position of atoms stir the properties which we perceive as sensory data: smell, taste, sound, light, our senses are instruments that translate the wind-whipped chaos of atoms in the environment into the experience of reality which we perceive.  Let it be known: atoms have no innate properties tied to sense. Reality is loosely a construct of shadows (perception) of illusions (sensations created through atoms’ movement and change of positions) of the immutable idea of the unknown.

We play games in domains and come to a consensus of methods about how to play the game. Athletes report the experience of ‘being in the zone’. That is, loosing a sense of self and maintaining focus while time passes like quicksand. I dare to open the following can of metaphysical worms: Moving a ball (think, atom) through space on a team that MOVE the POSITION of both themselves and the ball  are unable to be subjective and removed from the experience, for they are a breathing unit like gusts of wind and together create the magic kinetic spark of sensation. The loss of the sense of self is a tale type indicator of artists, scientists, athletes and creators; perhaps ‘the zone’ is our natural state, like the energy we were before we were born and we will become after we pass, and the dissolution of our ego and I limited by the very consciousness in out fingertips makes we for us to reunite in this life with the existence of the greater everything. The space between, the energy, the love.

Just some thoughts in the waiting room at the doctor’s office. Decided to write them down.

Directionally Challenged Organisms

22 Jan

The second-hand on a clock can not see how the minute hand is related to itself.  Both pass around face and space of time, breaking the eternal return down into ticker tape segments. The curvature of the earth is seen as vanishing horizon, a line that exists only as an illusion.

Darwin’s theory of evolution and natural selection outlined in The Origin of the Species is represented by The Tree of Life, an interconnected temporal, intertwined  diorama of consecutive mutation and adaptations towards survival. There was a first organism. From two organisms, the third and third millionth and so on can be drawn and tied together in relation by simple lines. However, the first organism stands alone. It seems to me that Darwin did not tackle the issue of God in his theory. He simply left the genesis the first organism wide open.

I had more to say but the gat of a gunshot just rang really close to my window. enough for now. It’s all about survival.

We Are All Misunderstood [free write]

19 Jan

Imagine: you are guiding your raft down an unfamiliar river. There are other rafts surrounding you: each raft is carrying one individual, and altogether creates a brilliant sight for the sore, omnicient eye; a ribbon of rafts speckles the waving ribbon steaming currents under currents of turquoise water, glistening with flints of flaxen filament like seeds of rhizome unconsciousness’.However, you are aware that the commoradery of the ‘one-for-all-all-for-one’ community spirit is a facade. The navigator of each raft steers steadfastly into the direction  oared and willed into destiny. Or, at least, prevents the door of destiny from shutting without lacerating the duration of opportunity to pass through a gate towards destiny.

There is a fork in the mainstream, presenting a choice:  to conserve energy by continuing with the momentum of current and detaching oneself from curiosity, or to turn your back towards the sense of community and face the unknown head on, steer with more force and less progress down the forked tributary, attach and align oneself with the mystery and adventure, and detach from the you that is reflected in the unconditional loving eyes of others.

Human nature conserves energy. Choice one wins nearly every time: detach from the curiosity of a whole new world and continue down the familiar, mainstream.

To ask a human to defy our common nature and steer with greater exertion of resources only to see less progress made is not inherently reasonable, only made so through the sound scape of labyrinthine, logical rhetoric.

The Daoist tradition values detachment as the ultimate tool towards enlightened nirvana and selfless living. Detaching from mandated systems or tasks tied to our development and identities in these consumer/commodity bionic lives we live rarely receive the recognition of wise or sagely; unfortunately not, and quite the antithesis, those who detach from the lonely tributary and unknown winding road  are called delinquents–on a steady downward stream, trading dying for living through comfort daily.

Last Night [FREE WRITE]

28 Dec

Dream Journey

Dreams are limited by the dreamer’s conscious experiences. Senses inform consciousness during the waking day; consciousness informs senses during dreams.

A sensation, that is, a fully integrated internal inclination, a feeling, fills in the blank slate of logic like a white canvas oozing bold colors.

Third morning of sickness within the past week. Today I leaned out the side of the city bus, relieved my sickness, and sat back down inside the bus. Another time, I woke up a fingernail past sunrise to do reike and yoga with a friend before he left for break. We spent most of the time talking. There, in my front yard before 9 am, I started dry heaving nothing, nothing, something– definitely not food but I definitely was sick.

I had my fingerprints scanned today, all ten. Apparently, I only have 9 fingerprints. one refuses to register.  The livescan man digitally re-scanned it time and again until, finally, I am under the impression (not punny) that we just settled.

9 fingerprints. 3 mornings of sickness. A sensation. A reality? No, but the appearance of a potential.

Terrenchal Downpour Over Los Angeles [free write]

19 Dec

I know the rain. In Los Angeles, the rain comes in the form of storms, buckets of water drenching the air and hitting  the grisly, dismal and grease stained gray of gravel and pavement with the violent smack of pelts on the river.

The rain today is particularly intent on falling. Determined and persistent this storm is relentless and there is something about this storm that makes me wonder. Curious and curiouser.

It feels as if the sky is a sieve with a valve and when the holes open there is an oceanic wealth of water to gush with the force of propulsion through the holes. The bodies of water that evaporate to refill the fallen supply of sky water are similar to a pot on a stove. Boiling, percolating, steaming, releasing, re-start.

Life is a process of learning oneself and every oneself because we are one self and so selflessly we serve all when we look within with honesty and compassion and then extend that inner lens to the eyes we encounter. I made mistakes. I drifted away from my center. I have made mistakes. I am learning, though. I am healing. Everyday is another chance to get it right this time.

After the Fall [BeMused by Design Photography]

17 Dec

Dream Journal [FREE WRITE/ RE-WRITE]

11 Dec

I have been There before in dreams. This Twilight Kingdom exists unbounded to time and space, residing in the immutable framework of what remains when the constructs and illusions of permanence all fall down. The infinite potential of its landscape is an eternal ideology. There exists in perpetual obliquity: There is, independent from the tenants and dwellers, thoughts and ideas,  that There supports.

I am Transient. My lifeline is a current that flows through the creek of a the crease between the layers of a folded world: the realms of Energy and Matter, or more lucidly, the realm of appearances and the realm of the illusion of appearances.

My life struggles to collect cohesive presence in either world all together. Thoughts, behaviors and cognitions can communicate beyond the divide but this has its disadvantages. Every thought falls from beyond the shadow of a doubt. Every feeling feigns an hysteric syndrome of unjustified dismissiveness, leading to sentimental expression weighted with the conviction of a parachute,  fastened to pack a punch in its articulation on the masked backs of thoughts or behaviors in order to cross back into the common reality. Typically, I express my feelings into the common reality using the cognitive-behavior anchor points grounded there. Thus, how I feel makes itself known in the common reality as either pieces of jigsaw logic or hasty, impulsive reactivity. Feelings are more often than not the odd man out left alone in a world outside of time in infinite space.  As a transient, I have gained access to trespass beyond the partisan, corporeal divide.

Here I appear again, as soon as I loop-swoop-disappear from There. What am I? A flippant holographic effect? An illusion? A lucid shoelace? A Pioneer? A purl stitch? Imagination my engine, feelings fuel the timeless travel, and a secret is masked behind the sensation that I am just as alive as a fragment of imagination as I am in this freckled sack of skin and bones.

I have been to this timeless location before, specifically. The dream is recurring with more depth and detail each time. Last night I was aware that I was dreaming: a transient dream and transient state, a Wanderer into a permanent place.

I: Fluxes :: There: Stasis.
I : Time Traveler :: There : Infinite Landscape.

For this reason, my subjection to my fear informed me that I am part of the corporeal, common reality world, simultaneously. There is void of fear. The present absence of fear stands out like silence within a song. I pause and my heart palpates as if it were compassionate for the stillness set in the lack of beat outside of myself, accordingly. The Fearless face There inform me that because I am experiencing fear There because I perceive the contact with one archetype that served as a fear evoking stimulus. My ear would fall deaf to the cry of my fear if my fear realized its own petty perception. If I could activate my 3rd eye to see the invisible presence of the great everything, I would see that the one fearful stimulus is actually everywhere, and all around me.

There was a snake by my foot in the dark, dusk lair of There. I was within the confines of my landlords dilapidated wooden, sunken ship of a broken series of bungalow settlements. There was a snake by my foot and I yelp for my landlords help in fear. He was working on a mast to mask the gusts of harsh winds from breaking an entry in the form of a great howl through the cracks between the wooden panels. He mentioned something about filtering  magnesium and oxides  through the mast (magnesium trapper) that the wind carries. This, he said definitively, is for our own protection.  He laughed at my irrational fear. Look around you, he said. You are surrounded by snakes. I did look, and I was surrounded by an astounding patchwork of piles of coiled snakes. He grins. How dumb to be scared of just one snake, that one snake, he said pointing to my original referent. You see one, fear that one, and are too blind to notice that what you fear is so much greater, the fears lie in piles around you. He said all of this with no fear of his pant leg touching the rattler of a snake. Get over your fear, and you can be free.

With that he vanished, and I awoke.

Dream Journal Free Write

10 Dec

I have been There before in dreams, and I am positive that this Twilight Kingdom exists beyond the relative: I think it exists; therefore it exists. Perhaps There is an archetypal idea, and the infinite potential of its landscape is an eternal ideology. Existing in perpetual obliquity: There is, independent from the tenants and dwellers, thoughts and ideas, There supports.

I am Transient. My lifeline walks the crease between the layers of a folded world: the realms of Energy and Matter, or much lucidly, the realm of appearances and the realm of the illusion of appearances. My life struggles to collect cohesive presence in either world all together. Thoughts, behaviors and cognitions can communicate beyond the divide but this has its disadvantages. Every thought falls from beyond the shadow of a doubt, every feeling feigns an hysteric syndrome of unjustified , leading to sentimental expression weighted with the conviction of a parachute,  fastened to pack a punch in its articulation on the masked backs of thoughts or behaviors in order to cross back into the common reality. Typically, I express my feelings as either intellectualized pieces of jigsaw logic or brewed into a hasty impulsive reaction. Feelings are more often than not the odd man out left alone in a world outside of time in infinite space.  As a transient, I have gained access to trespass beyond the partisan, corporeal divide.


Here again as soon as I loop, swoop pulled out of There: a lucid shoelace, a purl stitch. Imagination my engine, feelings fuel the timeless travel, and a secret is masked behind the sensation that I am just as alive as a fragment of imagination as I am in this freckled sack of skin and bones.


I have been to this timeless location before, specifically. The dream is recurring with more depth and detail each time. Last night I was aware that I was dreaming, a transient dream in a transient state as a transient passerby. For this reason, my feeling of fear informed me I was part of the corporeal, reality world, simultaneously. The people with no fear in this told me it was because I was experiencing contact with one archetype and I would numb to the fear if my fear realized its own petty perception and that the fearful stimulus as all around me. There was a snake by my foot in the dark, duck lair of this dream. I was my landlords dilapidated wooden sunken ship of a broken series of bungalow settlements. There was a snake by my foot and I yelp for my landlords help in fear. He was working on a mast to mask the gusts of harsh wind from breaking an entry in the form of a great howl through the cracks between the wooden panels. He mentioned something about filtering  magnesium and oxides  through the mast (magnesium trapper) that the wind carries. This, he said definitively, is for our own protection.  He laughed at my irrational fear. Look around you he said. You are surrounded by snakes. I did look, and I was surrounded by an astounding patchwork of piles of coiled snakes. He grins. How dumb to be scared of just one snake, that one snake, he said pointing to my original referent. You see one, fear that one, and are too blind to notice that what you fear is so much greater, the fears lie in piles around you. He said all of this with no fear of his pant leg touching the rattler of a snake. Get over your fear, and you can be free.

With that he vanished, and I awoke.

Where will I be tomorrow?

5 Dec

Free Write

27 Nov

My entire life

I am searching for a place to call home

and what I have found

is the sense that I have been there before

and blindly I march forward

captive on the wheel of time

captivated by the changing reflections

following the direction of my pointed intuition.

I would die for a place to call home.

The type of stability

that I will only

ironically

find when I die.

I keep looking towards other people and place

and things to satisfy the balance and justify stability

but I am alone enough for myself

and balance belong to me alone

but I keep looking none the less.

Alone in the cold windy night.

I can love myself and that will shine,

but to sit in the heat

and find comfort in the warm glow, the home.

Prognosis

25 Nov

Mom says she caught the cancer early enough that radiation therapy will stop it from spreading.

My dad says my mom’s optimistic attitude that she will beat it is the one he is adopting to support her.

What is real. What is optimism. what is the prognosis? am i spending my last thanksgiving with my mom today?



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