2 AM FREE WRITE
Hungry. Shaky. Can’t sleep. Again.
Heater on. Cold night. Heater hums out neighbors. Plus. Cold from the inside out. A humming machine is warm because its familiar. I am still cold. Hungry, no food. Contacts came today. Glee. Parents sent them in a box. Candy inside. The only food I have is a box of Good and Plenty. Angry at my agitation. A gift is gracious. They must not understand. I am hungry. Unopened licorice and no food to my name. Day 2 like this. Cold.
It’s worth it. All of it: discomfort in body is numbed till night-time when I must sit still with it. Dreams are worth all the sacrifice one makes. Small sacrifice motions small dreams into reality’s mirage. Undefined, expansive dreams may enter the world of matter and forms from the minds imaginative eye through perseverance, an un-quivering belief in self, and an alchemical quest for knowledge of self: searching for questions and looking within oneself for the purest form of truth–that thing which we basically are.
I will graduate in December. And graduation, that diploma, means more to me with every shiver and pang. The more I sacrifice, the more motivated I am to achieve my dreams. And the discomfort dulls. And I am worth it. And my dreams are worth it. And every dream is worth it. What else is there to live for in this life and body and flash of time, a momentary collapse to an instant we call a lifetime. The more I sacrifice, the more meaningful every sunrise wake up and bus token I give to a neighbor and good conversation means. Significant. Sacrifice. Like two ropes of a swing, I am taking a ride of a lifetime and I intend to take this opportunity and wow my sense of wonder with eyes wider like empty dinner plates every day. I am grateful.