Found a trace of surreality

13 Nov

can’t sleep. looking through archives of past art portfolios.

found a multiple exposure i overlayed of two pictures i took, one of y eyes and one through my eyes.

takes me back to my question, my statement. or at least the one that i think i may have been exploring if i know myself hardly at all.

no answers. more questions. as usual.

The Opposite of Coincidence

21 Jul

The universal flowering and simultaneity of the world primes my perception to understand omens in timing of appearances. BeMused is the space I use to record, understand and archive the omen stone I pick up on my personal legend.

Once again, the word capricious appears. Dostoevsky writes in Notes From Underground that it is ones own caprice that is of the utmost importance to man–a mean of feeling and preserving ones personality, and cites this preservation as the reason why humans go sticking pins in others, or, in themselves, despite their best interests.

Paulo Coelho in The Alchemist weaves in a juxtaposition between the caprice of the Sahara desert and the intentionality and decisions made by those who are crossing.

I looked up the etymology of caprice. I found it noteworthy on a few levels, but personally was surprised to see it lead back to hedgehog. My first pet was a hedgehog. Perhaps it was supposed to be, perhaps not. Urim and Thummim.

capriccio |kəˈprē ch ēˌō; – ch ō|noun ( pl. -os)

a lively piece of music, typically one that is short and free in form.

• a painting or other work of art representing a fantasy or a mixture of real and imaginary features.

ORIGIN early 17th cent. (denoting a sudden change of mind): from Italian, literally ‘head with the hair standing on end,’hence ‘horror,’ later ‘a sudden start’ (influenced by capra ‘goat,’ associated with frisky movement), from capo ‘head’ + riccio‘hedgehog.’

haiku free write

21 Jul

What a timeless joy!

Womanhood caconed within-

who gives birth to life?

oil on water free write

21 Jul

The common nuance sits like oil on water in memory: the faintly remarkable and the duly noted, these murky puddles of difference between the day-to-day mark individual days as different when, in fact, the body of fluid similarities is the sameness upon which all days float in life’s continuity.


1 Jul

Kurt Vonnegut, I admire how you spill words as sour or acidic as they may sound, and at times as self-deprecating as lime-proof rust growing like moss in underwater echoing sewage canals. The banal and the glorious and the beautiful, you tell it as it is and for that I greatly admire your vulnerability, courage and humanity.

I wanted to jot down some passages that resonated with me thus far.

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.

I learn by going where I have to go.

Make them stop…don’t let them move anymore at all…there make them freeze…once and for all… So that they won’t disappear anymore!




23 Jun

Dream (free write)

19 Jun

How strange this dream. I was in control of time but not  situations. I was aware that I was dreaming. This dream was so strange that I used my remote control to pause scene and replay trying to figure out what was going on, and what it meant. I may need some help from the wise and the ancients interpreting some of the archetypes.

Looking inside an underwater terrarium, a giant fish tank unlike the aquarium where you have one glass wall, but a gigantic box of glass walls you can walk 360 degrees around.

A baby monkey-elephant hybrid that was swimming towards me. I asked the person next to me how this animal that I suspected was a land mammal could survive underwater and not drown. It was a special money-elephant that lived under sea and could breathe apparently.

A baby whale-elephant hybrid. Slowly swimming up behind the money-elephant. I saw it as harmless but as it approached the money-hybrid It became more whale like with a giant eel like unhinged jaw ready to eat monkey elephant. Monkey elephant knew it was dangerous without turning around and could feel it coming and started to paw at glass frantically, turning into a snow lepord – elephant hybrid as danger increased.

Whale-elephant also shifted into a snow lepord-whale as it grew more predatorial. Predator big the neck of prey and ravaged its neck trying to tear its head off. both animals grew more snow lepord like and one was larger than the other, but otherwise by the end of the battle attack, both were snow tigers, no longer snow lepord or whatever they were hybrid-with before. The smaller survived the battled, fully intact, unscathed. It was a miracle.


  • To see a tiger in your dream, represents power and your ability to exert it in various situations. The dream may also indicate that you need to take more of a leadership role. Alternatively, the tiger represents female sexuality, aggression, and seduction. To dream that you are attacked by a tiger, symbolizes repressed feelings or emotions that frighten you. To see a caged tiger in your dream, suggests that your repressed feelings/emotions are on the verge of surfacing.


  • To see a whale in your dream, represents your intuition and awareness. You are in tuned with your sense of spirituality. Alternatively, a whale symbolizes a relationship or business project that may be too big to handle. You are feeling overwhelmed. The dream may also be a pun on “wailing” and a desire to cry out about something.


  • To see a monkey in your dream, symbolizes deceit, insight and intuition. Those around you are working to advance their own interest. Alternatively, monkeys indicate an immature attitude, a playful nature and the mischievous side of your personality.  Consider also the significance of the Three Mystic Monkeys who cover their eyes, ears and mouth to mean that they see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil.


  • To see an elephant in your dream, indicates that you need to be more patient or more understanding of others. Or perhaps there is a memory that you are holding on to for too long. You need to let go of the past. The elephant is also a symbol of power, strength, faithfulness and intellect. Alternatively, the elephant’s introverted personality may be a reflection of your own personality. In particular, if you see a white elephant, then it symbolizes royalty.

Snow leopard:

  • Thriving in an environment that most would consider unfriendly or harsh. Strength in action (especially through silence) and personal power. Decisiveness, the attitude of “act now, think later,” extremely in touch with basic instincts. Smooth in action and capable, with an edge of danger.

To Be Indispensable (free write)

14 Jun

From a dead sprint to a point-blank stop, I wade in the pause between motions. A water skipper all alone floating on a still ocean: my thoughts meditate on my past and future reflecting new directions. What am I doing? Why? Why am I doing things the hard way again and again? For what Carrot? And once again I see the light at the end of the twisted path of mine–I want to be indispensable. With my career. In my inter-personal relationships. Hopefully create a family of my own one day. indispensible. So I continue to make the road by walking.

Making Sense of Loose Change {Free Write}

10 Jun

Stress feels like audible frequency.

I sense it  stirring and rearranging

the pieces of a labyrinth puzzle.

I hurt for a hint of silent reprieve,

exhalation of twilight secrecy into dawn day, break–

creaking, cracking  I am an egg–on hot cement, scrambled.

I am a omelett who wishes to reverse osmosis

and return to my time as an egg.

Creativity, Imagination and Curiosity set me free.

So I seek and explore beyond the waters

drip-dropping off the edges

of my mind’s expanding, elastic frontier.

What is it about Los Angeles?

5 Jun

The Mexican Mafia. MS-13. The Bloods. The Crips. These notorious gangs share a common origin: Los Angeles, CA.

If it doesn’t make you wonder, it should. Let me guess, you skeptics with raised ‘brows are considering the potential coincidence of it all. I’ll bite. The same logic would follow, then, that you may chalk it up to coincidence that you and your siblings share one mother. See where I am going with this? I suggest that we take a good, hard look at what needs to change here in LA, and why, and how.


4 Jun

Orphaned by indifference vs orphaned by civil war.

The way in which these circumstances effect the orphan’s perspective are very different.

Of course, I am generalizing.

THe difference truly lies in the orphan’s perspective of the parents choice to abandon.

Choice? If we are all one, choice is truly a false sense of propriety and agency.

The entire justice system is based on intentional choice and premeditation in perpetration.

Choice? What Choice? Perhaps what we chose has chosen us all before and probability trees can best depict why and when we do and do not choose something or nothing at all.


The Monstrously Ungrateful Bi-Ped (free write)

24 May

Perhaps morality is an accordian: breathing, expanding, contracting, a gradient of ethical tunes.

BeMused Graphic Design

24 May

Reminding Me of Self

BeMused by Design Graphics 2011©

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Dream Journal [Free Write]

11 May

Three distinct dreams last night.

  1. I am with a friend, brushing my teeth, and the more I brush the more that seaweed falls from my mouth, intact and floating, fall like autumn leaves.
  2. I am with the same friend in a different setting. We have one can of Progresso vegetable and barley soup, the type with the wrap around blue label adorning the classic aluminium can. I unwrap and unwrap the label, knowing that something is underneath. After 3 and a half unwrap I find the hidden secret printed on the very back: a treasure map, and the adventure begins.
  3. I think of the word trepidation. I do not know the definition in my dream, but I am imagining the harmony from dissonance, internal hesitation due to unknown, unseen factors, moving in odd ways due to dark matter that you have to navigate around using intuition as an internal compass rose to see the sun. When I wake up, I look up the formal definition:

trep·i·da·tion Noun /ˌtrepiˈdāSHən/
noun: tremble, tremor, anxiety, alarm, fear

  1. A feeling of fear or agitation about something that may happen
    • the men set off in fear and trepidation
  2. Trembling motion
  3. a feeling of alarm or dread
  4. Trepidation as used in the field of astronomy means an imagined oscillation of the equinoxes. It should not be confused with precession. In precession, the equinoxes appear to move slowly through the ecliptic, completing a revolution in approximately 25,800 years (according to modern astronomers).

Poetics [free write]

7 May

[Preface: I cannot sleep….why is why i cannot, and that is all on that matter for now. I made the picture below last year during a multimedia session in my avant-garde comp lit course. Plopping it here to further archive my life.]

And then there was one. The individual cannot exists. There is one alone and thus ‘I’ i dissipates into the cyclic, carnivorous lungs of the ruthless carbon cycle. Gone. Duality is necessary to define one individual entity. Duality is the margin of error for motion. Motion is the breathing space and position between us, defining us, connecting us. Language, words, sound: we sing life, or something like it, in metaphors and symbols we recycle through the air. We are inspired wind fulfilling an inspired mind and a skilled hand through a body and released like cathartic, creative truth aloud, our secret told in one sonorous big bang: the people rise like one thousand hissing bayonets.  We are everything that one higher power could be. We create and perceive the sensation expressed with sounds in lyric and song. So poetry is profound, so poetry is so oh so profound, sonorous amorous profound.

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